Conflagration
by Ikasury
Summary: When Yang starts something, it doesn't just burn, IT EXPLODES! (All the Ships listed in first chap - mostly dirty humor - Crack Drabble Pile) Chap 12: Summer and Raven have a chat...
1. Conflagration

**A/N:** DAMNIT MONTY GET OUT OF MY HEAD! XD

er... i can explain... okay i really can't... happy early valentine's day? :D

this is just a hilarious explosion of ships i sail for RWBY in various degrees... because funny~ no real plot, no real point, and only vaguely linked to any of my other RWBY fics (such as Hate for the Cadbury and Deluge for the Arkos) no real canon here, just some fun~

 **Dis:** RWBY is owned y Rooster Teeth and created by Monty Oum Great-lord-of-shipping-God-of-dance-and-Herald-of-Love-and-Badass!

ENJOY!

* * *

Conflagration

Sun walked down the rows in the cafeteria with an extra spring in his step, heading for one place in particular.

" _Oh my god there's Sun!"_

 _"Look at those abs…"_

 _"I heard he's dating Blake."_

 _"What no! I heard he was dating Yang!"_

There were a myriad of voices all around whispering whatever was the latest in the rumor mill. Sun didn't care, he was going to his favorite ladies and he honestly didn't care what everyone else thought. They'd discussed this long and hard and then got distracted and the blondes sorta convinced Blake it was okay…

 _"Whoa you kidding man?"_

 _"That's what I heard!"_

 _"What a god! Banging two hot chicks!"_

 _"two hot chicks on the_ **same** _team!"_

 _"That takes some balls…"_

Stopping at the usual spot for Team RWBY to be eating he crept up behind the two. Hit tail was up in an amused fashion, grinning at Ruby who was giving him a weird look. He put his finger to his lips, smirking as he snuck up towards the two, holding his arms out wide-

"You're not as subtle as you think, Sun," a flat voice halted him as Blake didn't even look up from her book. Next to her her partner just snickered.

"Aww," Sun wrapped his arms around both their shoulders, still grinning that goofy monkey grin of his, "And here I thought I'd surprise you~"

 _"Oh my god! The nerve of that guy!"_

 _"I know!"_

 _"How can they not know!"_

 _"I know!"_

 _"I think it's hot…"_

"S'up sexy~" Yang purred at her fellow blonde, wiggling her eyebrows as a bright grin spread across her face.

"S'up hottie~" Sun leaned in and nuzzled her nose.

 _"Oh my gooooooooddd~ right in front of her!"_

 _"What a bitch!"_

Blake just snorted, her ears flicking her bow around as she could hear the gossip picking up. - _If they thought this was bad wait a few minutes…_ \- her thoughts were interrupted as Sun turned his attentions to her, nuzzling her ears making her involuntarily purr for a moment.

 _"… what?"_

 _"smooth criminal…"_

In front of the threesome Ruby and Weiss were staring. What the heck was going on?! as far as either of them knew Blake was dating Sun and… what? Yang? The two other members of RWBY had effectively stopped eating and were staring at what was in front of them.

Without missing a beat Sun pulled them together closer, "How are my two favorite ladies in the whole wide world this _Sun_ -ny afternoon!" the terrible pun got a snort from the blonde brawler and an eye roll from the brunette.

"I dunno, _Pun_ , its been kind of boring so far~" Lilac eyes looked at the blonde boy half closed and with a daring grin, which she turned to Blake who just continued rolling her eyes.

"You both are _soooooo_ funny," the black cat's voice was flat, trying to keep her face in her book and not show that she was actually smirking at their wordplay.

"Oh but you love it~" with a big grin Yang reached out and tugged on the black hair in front of Blake's human ears, causing the girl to flush.

 _"What?!"_

At this point Ruby's eyes were wide enough to almost be popping out of her skull and Weiss had her mouth open and just hanging. Neither having _any_ idea what the hell they were looking at.

Behind him Sun's golden monkey tail wiggled as he was just cheekily amused, "Hey, ladies, I don't think they get it yet," he crouched down between them and pointed at his cheeks, "How 'bout spelling it out and giving daddy some sugar~"

"You're such a dick," came Blake's flat voice, causing Yang to bust out laughing.

Sun didn't seem to care, batting his eyes at the black cat, "As hottie said; but you love it~"

Amber eyes rolled but she finally put down her book, showing off that wry cat smirk as she faced the two. The blondes looking at her hopefully with big dopey grins she could not say no to, "Oh fine!"

In sync both Blake and Yang turned to Sun and planted rather obviously kisses on his cheeks… and with a dopey sly grin he reached around both of them and grabbed them under the arms copping a feel on both making Blake squeak and Yang bust out laughing.

" ** _WHAT?!_** "

The trio was nearly floored as just about everyone stood up shouting, well mostly those near them and especially Weiss. Not Ruby though because she was still too stunned staring at what was happening in front of her.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THREE DOING?!" the Schnee Heiress was up and pointing at them while her left eye twitched. Okay, she could deal with Blade being a Faunus, she could deal with Blake dating that rapscallion from Haven, she could deal with Yang being an overbearing flirt and tease… BUT THIS WAS SOMETHING ELSE!

Three sets of eyes turned to the flustered, and very confused, Heiress. They blinked, and Sun squeezed appropriately getting a slap from Blake on his hand while Yang leaned in closer. Some high pitched screech came from Weiss' throat as she started shaking.

Yang of course just snorted, "Wow, you can almost see the steam coming out of her ears!"

Sun wiggled his pinky in one of his, "She certainly sounds like a tea kettle…"

Blake had to raise her hand to cover her mouth as she _tried_ not to snort at the mental image.

" _EX-PLAIN!_ " Weiss' voice was a whole new level of high pitched as it was obvious she was _trying_ to contain herself from just outright yelling at them. Everyone else in the cafeteria quieted as well, wanting to hear this new development from the infamous Team RWBY.

"Well you see, Weiss, there's thing that happens when a man and woman, or two women, or in this case two women and a **_really_** hot guy-" Yang sort of leaned back, completely nonchalant, on Sun's arms as the guy just kept grinning and she tickled under his chin, "Decide they're all really hot, and really into that level of hot, and just pretty much decide they need to show off said hotness and take off all their clothes and-"

" _YANG!_ " it was more funny because it wasn't just Ruby shouting as she seemed to finally leave her catatonia but Blake as well, who was turning red and slipping a bit lower under the table.

Sun leaned over to Yang, nuzzling, "I don't think they can deal with all the hotness…"

Yang just leaned back conspiratorially, "Seems like it… even though its hot."

"Would you two stop saying 'hot'," Blake turned to glare at her two lovers who were just childishly giggling. Though she did appreciate Sun's tail had wrapped around her waist under the table and Yang was rubbing her feet with her own. Shoes be damned!

The two across from them, and everyone else really, were just staring at the trio.

Weiss had dropped her hands to the table and while still twitching needed the support before she collapsed, her brain hurt trying to wrap around this concept, "So you're _all_ together-together?"

All three of them turned to look at the heiress, share a look between them, then back at the white clad girl with various grins. Blake was the one to finally relax and say it flat out, "Yes Weiss, I'm dating the sexiest guy and hottest girl in school…"

The black cat momentarily squeaked as she got double teamed by the blondes, Sun now holding her around the shoulders with his head on hers and Yang latched onto her side, "Aww, she said hot!"

Amber eyes rolled at the two even if the smirk wouldn't leave her lips.

Weiss sat down, still staring and trying to process.

"Uh, correction!" they all turned down the way as Jaune stood up, a funny grin on his face, " ** _I'M_** dating the hottest girl in school!"

Next to him they all noticed Pyrrha turn as red as her hair.

Being mock-offended Yang stood up, hands on her hips but there was definitely a look about her face that said she was amused, "I don't know what you're talking about Jaune! You're not part of this threesome!"

There was some more snickering between the blondes but Jaune's grin never faultered, "I wasn't talking about you," he held out his hand and while blushing Pyrrha took it, and stood up with him, squeaking as the slightly taller boy brought her close to him and held her to his chest, "I was talking about **_her!_** " he waved his hand up and down denoting Pyrrha, "I mean look at this! The gods couldn't have done better themselves in crafting this," his hand wave ended with his hand on her breast and while she turned red the champion made no move to remove it.

Funnily enough both Sun and Blake blushed at the action, while Yang, still standing, rubbed her chin and seemed to be inspecting the couple in front of her, "I have to admit, those boobs are awesome!" the comment caused several faces to go red but not being deterred Yang pulled her partner up, grabbing her from behind and squeezing her modest set tightly under her shirt, "I still have to go with these though~" her hands moving lower causing Blake to become practically neon, "Can deny these hips!"

As if seeing it as a challenge, Jaune glanced to Pyrrha, who was blushing furiously at this ridiculousness, before he held her out a bit, the hand in his up as he leaned down and pointed where her sash was tied, "Can't say no to this~" then to be an utter fool, he leaned in and rubbed his face against her waist causing the champion to turn even redder.

Seeing a place to get in on the 'fun', Blake smacked away Yang's hands and moved over to Sun, standing him up, she had one hand on his shoulder and waved the other in front of his chest, "Look at these Abs," she waved her hand, "Just look at them…"

A smirk of competition appeared on the Mystralian champion's face, as Pyrrha crossed her arms and looked down, "Jaune," her green eyes narrowed as the boy grinned up at her, "Take it off."

Without a word the leader of Team JNPR stood up and ripped off his armor and took off his hoodie.

Jaws dropped all around the room as what before them stood a hand-chiseled god! Jaune Arc, thought to be dope and bumbling idiot with nothing to his name that could be considered appealing… had an _eight pack_ , large pecks, massive broad shoulders and well-toned arms.

Without prompting he even flexed, taking on a few poses, and Pyrrha just smugly turned back to the others.

There were several wolf-whistles and cat-calls and few people even passed out from blood loss.

Yang just laughed, going to her two, throwing her arm over Blake's shoulder and Sun's waist, "Oh _FIIIIIINE_ you win Pyrrha," she laughed whole heartedly, "I'll still keep mine, thank you!" which she then proceeded to rub Sun's tail and leaned over to nip Blake's hidden cat ear. Both turned an interesting shade of red.

"Ya know what!" there was a loud shout from down the table next to Yang where Team CRDL sat. Cardin himself seemed to look to one side then back to the two teams in a strip competition and did the unthinkable.

He stripped.

But that wasn't all, by taking off his shirt and pants and standing in only his suave black briefs he revealed something none of them thought possible. The former bully, and definite runner for Jaune's new title of Mr. Universe, turned around, flexing his whole body and wiggled his tail?

His bright, fluffy, brown bunny tail?!

There was a squeak down the way as Velvet seemed to run up, latch on to her former tormentor and started playing with his tail.

Weirdly enough, she was the one who spoke, "You guys can have _that_ , I will take **_this!_** "

On the other side Cardin was still flexing and now sporting a massive grin, wiggling his bunny tail.

If the threesome confession had the room silenced this definitely did.

"I'M GAY!" was shouted out in the ensuing silence. When everyone turned to look it was Russel Thrush standing up after slamming his hand on the table. With determined strides he walked back the way Velvet had come from and stood in front of her partner Yatsuhashi…

And kissed him.

More gasping.

The short mohawked boy then tugged the huge swordsman up and in flash cut off all his clothes and the silent titan was left exposed except for his fudoshi.

Russel waved at him while holding Yatsuhashi's with his other hand, "And this, this is _mine!_ "

In the continuing silence several grins started rising.

"Ren!" suddenly on the opposite side of the Champion and Mr. Universe couple, Nora stood up, bouncy as ever and dragging her best friend with her, "Strip and show them how awesome you are!"

Magenta eyes went wide as the quiet boy prayed something would happen to prevent this.

It came in the form of Yang laughing, doubling over and needing the support of her lovers before they too joined her along with everyone else. "OH GREAT MONTY THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!"

As the laughing died down and a strange cheery atmosphere came about, the blonde brawler couldn't help but ask, "So?" she looked around, and pointedly looked at her sister who shrunk under her gaze, "Anyone else want to reveal something?"

There was a loud **_smack!_** By the door to the cafeteria followed by a yelp.

When everyone bothered to look Ozpin was standing there completely stunned while Glynda stood next to him with that neutral expression she always had…

With her hand on his ass.

Nothing needed to be said, and when that registered to everyone else they all started laughing even more.

Amidst the laughter and everyone being distracted, Ruby turned towards her partner.

Sensing this, Weiss turned towards Ruby, her icy blue eyes wide as there was something weird about the idiot's face.

With a deceptive grin the red cloaked girl jumped the white heiress and they disappeared under the table, drowned out by the cacophony of everyone talking and celebrating the various forms of love and hotness going on at Beacon.

* * *

 **A/N:** i wanna thank Solora Goldsun for giving me a damn ship name for this OT3 of mine: Golden Eclipse :D it works, it works so well for me~ XD

Ships:

Golden Eclipse/Black Sun/Bumblebee

Arkos

Cadbury

Duel-swords (-snorts- need a better name XD)

Team Sloth

Pride and Punishment! (thank you 13th Child)

White Rose

... and i'm sure about a million going on in the background XD

btw:

Conflagration: a great fire that destroys a lot of land or property... IT BURNS BABY, BURN! :D

Review? :D

till next -salute-waves- Sayounara, Mina!

-Ikasury


	2. Omake

**A/N:** sooooo... didn't plan to throw anything else on this fire, but after talking with Wishy i decided to write this and hell why not?

this is the 'original' idea i had that spawned Conflagration~

ENJOY!

* * *

Omake – or – how this originally came about…

Yang sat nervously on her bed, thankful her sister was talking a mile a minute and didn't seem to realize it was ruffled or that certain parts of her clothing were missing.

"… So I mean this happened, right, and then this…" Ruby had simply burst into the room, sat down on her sister's bed, well really Blake's bed as getting up in Yang's was kind of awkward and hazardous. The red speedster was shaking and talking a mile a minute and looking adorably flustered and seemed to be failing at getting to the _point_ she wanted to make to her sister.

For a long second Yang just stared at her. She had her own thoughts, sure, and they were occupying a good portion of her brain at the moment as she could hear the creak of a door and without looking she waved behind her signaling they stay put.

"… And it was just _soooooo_ pretty! And the light and the situation…" seriously, Ruby seemed to be vibrating she couldn't even sit _still_!

Yang supposed she should be worried… and probably try to be paying attention, but she knew that with Ruby it was probably best to just let her get it out… or something.

" _YANG!_ " that's when the adorable little red hooded girl turned to her big sister with watery pouty silver eyes, fists tucked over her mouth and trying to look as hopelessly lost as possible, "What do I do?!" her voice squeaked.

Lilac eyes stared at her baby sister for a good long second.

She hadn't paid attention to a damn thing Ruby said but there was only **_one_** thing that got her this worked up.

Weiss Schnee and her sister's adorably fail crush on her.

Putting a firm hand on her sister's shoulder and showing a grin that was as wide and bright as the sun, Yang gave her baby sister some sagely advice, "Ruby, I love you," she patted, "But there is something dad and I learned to accept long ago… and that is the fact you are gay…"

Those adorable silver eyes widened even more, this had nothing to do with what she was asking, "I-What?!"

Motherly, Yang patted her little sister's shoulder again, "You are gayer than a double rainbow over San Francisco…"

The reddish brunette's head tilted slightly, "What's San Franciso?" was that somewhere in Vacuo?

"Nevermind," the blonde brawler coughed into her hand, drawing her sister close and into her bosom, "Just know that we love you, no matter what, and want you to be happy," she held her sister out at arm's length and stared deeply into her eyes, "Go get your princess!"

"I-but-wha?" was as far as Ruby got before her sister all but picked her up and pushed her out the door. Ruby stood there for a few seconds very confused before turning down the hall and left, trying to figure this out.

Back in the RWBY dorm, Yang wiped her hands and turned back to her bed.

The door to their bathroom opened and Blake leaned out, "So did you tell her?"

Instantly Yang stiffened, then turned around with a bright smile and scratching her head, "Eh-hehehe…"

Sun leaned out behind the door above Blake, smirking, "… about us?"

The blonde brawler's hands went to her hips as she looked at the two with narrow lilac eyes, "Hey, I got her out of the room, alright!"

The two Faunus snickered, sharing a look before tackling the blonde woman to the floor, continuing where they left off.

Sadly, this spontaneity was interrupted as the door opened again, only this time it was Weiss walking in with a furious look on her face, "Yang! What in the world did you tell your sister, she just-" the white Heiress' voice cut off as her icy blue eyes glanced down…

Yang was on the floor being smothered by a naked Sun and mostly naked Blake.

They all stared at one another.

A wide nervous grin spread over Yang's face as she snickered and held up her hands, despite her arms being pinned by bodies, "Weiss, I can explain…"

The Schnee Heiress just started turning red and vibrating in possible fury, before thankfully turning around and slamming the door shut.

"HEY, YOU COULD AT LEAST LOCK IT!"

* * *

 **A/N:** i like breaking Weiss... she's been too sheltered, she needs to learn there's other kinds of love out there XD

and that line makes me happy, so, so freakin' happy XD

Till next -salute-waves- Sayounara, Mina!

-Ikasury


	3. Mal-Wyvern

**A/N:** because where else am i going to throw these stupid ideas? XD

Wishy and i needed something stupid and fluffy, so here's some bad jokes about kink-stuff Blake and Yang get into while bored with Sun away back at Haven~ XD

ENJOY!

* * *

Mal-Wyvern

In another universe where the Vytal Festival wasn't ruined, Grimm and White Fang didn't invade, Maiden power shenanigans didn't happen and Pyrrha Nikos won the tournament like everyone assumed she would, things went off without a hitch and life returned to 'relative' normal for the students at Beacon.

Well, sort of, the foreign students had to return to their home countries and schools, a few with promises to visit when they could. Such as Sun who gave his girls a big hug and promised to send them both as many pictures of his Abs, and other things, to make sure they didn't forget him, while Yang promised to send plenty of 'videos' of her and Blake to keep him warm at night.

Weiss completely ignored Neptune as he tried to give her a giant bouquet of white roses…

Ruby was zipping around all the new people she met, saying her farewells and got the life squeezed out of her from Penny who promised to sneak her way back to Beacon when she could.

A week or two and things were again 'relatively' back to normal…

"Hey, Blake! Check out what I got!"

Blake, who was currently reading a book (that was **_totally_** not porn) as she lounged on her bed. Yang had gotten some package and she was half convinced it was just another stack of pictures of Sun's abs, which they both enjoyed greatly and probably sold a few off for a tidy sum. Her enhanced hearing picked up a bit more than the usual flapping of photo paper, in fact that sounded like some plastic, and metal and-what?

Now fully curious, Blake slid her totally-not-porn-book down to spy the blonde brawler and what she was unwrapping. Instantly her amber eyes widened and she held the book to her face to hide the obvious blush, "Y-Yang?! What the-How the-Why the-… wha-?"

"Hehe!" while the cat girl blinked and tried adamantly to hide her obviously growing blush, Yang just smirked like she'd won the lottery, "Oh this?" what she held in her hand jingled, consisting of a holster with a belt and a very specific rubber piece, "Oh _noooooothing_ … hehe," Yang slid the piece down, running her finger along the ribbed surface, being as obviously suggestive as possible as Blake's grip on her book got tighter, "Why it's just a human sized cat dick, courtesy of Mal-Wyvern~"

At this point Blake was positively twitching, her amber eyes dared a glance at the box that _thing_ had come in and yes, right there, on the top was the trademark Mal-Wyvern logo. Her cat ears twitched as she looked back up at her _partner_ who seemed in the process of putting the holster on, wrapping it around her waist and not seeming to bother taking her clothes off, "Uh… wha-?"

With her tongue sticking out, Yang pulled the side straps, fitting the holster on snuggly, even if it was over her clothes figuring to just test it out. She could alter the fit later, this was just too much of a fun opportunity to screw with Blake considering the look on her girlfriend's face, "I know, I know, it's totally racist, but I figured I'd have to try it _AT LEAST_ once," a snicker as she turned to see Blake still staring, "Between you and Sun, I feel so left out as just little ol' me~"

Blake's brow twitched, her eyes darting right to that _thing_ on Yang's waist, "That-That looks painful…" not that the idea stopped any of the blush rising to her face or the sudden warmth below her stomach.

Yang smugly walked over to her girlfriend, leaning on one arm and staring at Blake with the cockiest grin known to man, "Oh, but its ribbed for _your_ pleasure~"

At this point Blake was obviously vibrating as her brain went completely blank.

Seeing she had no resistance, Yang tucked her finger over the book her partner had been reading, easily taking it out of her hands and standing back up to flip through a few pages, "I mean, I know you guys are basically human other than a few things, but I figured, why not~ Mal-Wyvern's right there on the Net, and they live for this kinda perverted stuff right?" flipping a few pages still getting no response from Blake, "Besides, I'm sure they got pervy stuff like this in your books," stops at one page and her grin spreads, "Damn, is this guy a Unicorn Faunus or Narwhale?"

Suddenly Blake's hand reaches up, but instead of grabbing the book she grabs Yang's collar and pulls her girlfriend close enough to almost kiss her, amber eyes glaring that specific way that Yang knew meant her porn wasn't enough at the moment.

Yang gave that cocky grin, throwing the book over her shoulder, "So, am I going to get you yowling tonight my sexy kitty?"

There was a sudden look of challenge in the cat Faunus' eyes as she tugged on her partner's collar, speaking directly to her lips, "Why don't you come here and find out," and if either didn't notice there was a sudden rumble to her voice, almost like a purr.

 ** _SLAM!_**

Sadly, this delightful scene was interrupted by Weiss and Ruby walking in, like they normally would since this was also _their_ room.

… but the second they noticed what was going on, wide lilac eyes staring at them and amber ones glaring, they paused.

Ruby's mouth fell open, unable to comprehend.

Weiss started twitching, unable to say anything.

"Uh…" Yang looked like a deer in headlights, standing there, in her clothes, with a cat-styled dildo in a holster around her waist, "I can explain?"

There was a distinct sound almost like growling as Blake's bow was oddly low.

White brow twitching, Weiss quickly grabbed Ruby and slammed the door shut. Taking another moment to twitch the heiress grabbed her partner's arm and started dragging her down the hall.

"Wait! WEISS!" Ruby flailed, trying to get her partner's attention, "Why did my sister have a-mphpphhmm…?" silver eyes blinked as the older girl had turned around, still twitching, and put her hand over Ruby's mouth.

"Nothing!" Weiss said sternly, "We saw! NOTHING!" then dragged her off to the gym for some practice.

* * *

Ver. 2

"Hey Blake! Check out what I got!"

Blake's bow twitched as her nose was buried in one of her books (totally not porn) as her partner went about unwrapping some package she'd gotten. For a minute the cat Faunus ignored the blonde brawler as she was really getting into the steamy bits of her story… until the sound of bubble wrap, a few pops, some whirring and Yang snickering to herself caught her attention.

Now curious, Blake raised a black brow as she lowered her totally-not-porn book just enough to glance at her partner. She was rather comfortable on her bed, laying down mostly and hoped Yang hadn't gotten something ridiculous that would throw her off-that is until she caught a look of something yellow and wiggling and her bow perked up and her eyes locked on this new thing.

"Teeheehehe…" Yang was giggling to herself fiddling with a little remote as her latest 'toy' moved about. Apparently this time she'd gotten what looked to be a pair of yellow cat ears that sat on her head and a matching tail that easily attached to a belt around her waist. The odd thing was both _moved_ , not just regular stationary stuffed ludicrous Fake-Faunus stuff, these ones seemed to be fairly high tech as the second Yang stopped fiddling with the remote she put it in her pocket, and wiggling her brows, the ears and tail seemed to act accordingly to what 'mood' she was displaying.

Blake was now sitting up and staring at her girlfriend.

After testing out wiggling the tail, the blonde looked around to make sure it was working and spotted her partner staring at her. "Blake!" she jumped up and down running to right in front of her girlfriend, wiggling the ears, "Check this thing out! It's so freakin' awesome!"

The yellow cat ears wiggled and so did the tail, and Blake's amber eyes seemed to widen as she couldn't look away, "Buh… wha-?"

Yang sounded like she was squealing, probably one of the only things that made it obvious she was related to Ruby in anyway, as she stood up, arms close to her chest and bouncing, the tail sticking straight up and the ears flat, "I figured if I was gonna get this silly crap I'd go for the bitchin' high tech stuff," she leaned over pointing at the ears as they moved, "The ears got some weirdass receiver that makes them react to moods, which link up with the tail to do the same, so _supposedly_ they react like a normal animal or Faunus features so-er, Blake?" she stopped talking when she noticed Blake had this glazed look on her face.

Then as if in a haze, the Feline-Faunus just raised her hand, putting one finger on her girlfriend's lips to keep her quiet, "Shhhh…" she only removed it when Yang's blonde brows quirked and the ears reacted accordingly. Blake made a gesture with her hand, "Now, turn…"

"Er, Blake?" that blonde brow remained up.

Amber eyes narrowed and her bow went low, "I said turn."

Yang gave her partner a startled look, she didn't normally give commands, but whatever! "Kay?" the blonde brawler stood up about a foot away and spun around.

"Slower…" there was a bit of a rumble to Blake's voice as her eyes seemed to get narrower.

A blonde brow rose as something popped into her head, Yang smirked, putting one hand on her hip and the other on her chest, turning to the side and giving as sultry a look as possible, feeling as the tail went mostly up and waved slightly with the robotic ears down, "Why Blake," her voice was low, lilac eyes narrowing with a wide smirk on her face as she leaned over, obviously posing to accent her butt and breasts, "You like what you see~"

There was definitely some manner of rumbling coming from the cat woman, in fact she seemed to be shaking.

Lilac eyes blinked somewhat surprised, "Uh, Blake, you're vibrating," her eyes went a bit wider as some manner of wicked smirk started to form on her partner's face and a chill went down Yang's spine, "You don't even do that when you're reading…"

Blake gave her partner something of a smug Cheshire smirk before quickly grabbing her and tossing her on her bed on her stomach.

Yang had all of a moment to squeak, pushing her face up from the foot of Blake's bed before she felt the black clad girl straddle her just below her butt, feeling a slight tug at the belt around her waist, "Uh, Blake?!" there may have been a squeak in her voice.

Blake sat for a moment on her partner's firm ass, tugging at the mechanical tail as she played with it, before her amber eyes locked with the almost scared lilac ones looking at her from over the blonde's shoulder. Then the feline Faunus smirked, stretching out her lilt body along her partner's back, pushing her long hair out of the way and making sure she felt every inch of her, "Yang, you know how when cats are out of season they like to stick around their own sex?"

Yang's mind went blank.

Blake could feel the tail trying to stand up on her stomach and it was absolutely adorable the way those fake ears went flat as Yang was obviously processing. Not caring, and making sure her female lover understood her meaning by laying her weight on her back and letting her feel herself purr, Blake reached forward and bit the back of Yang's neck.

"uh-uh-huhhhhhh…" this time there was _definitely_ a squeak.

 ** _SLAM!_**

The door burst open as Weiss and Ruby walked in…

… and the second they spotted Blake straddled on what appeared to be a stupidly euphoric Yang, with some weird yellow cat ears on her head, and Blake of all things biting her neck glaring at them, they stopped.

Ruby was staring dumbfounded, unable to process what was going on.

Weiss started twitching, then pointing at them with vicious fury, "WOULD YOU TWO STOP HAVING SEX!"

There was a growl from Blake and some incomprehensible sound from Yang, who looked to be close to drooling.

With an angry screech Weiss turned around and dragged Ruby out before the poor girl was scarred by the perverted sex games of her sister.

"Buh?" Ruby managed as she was being dragged away from their room, "Weiss… I don't…. understand? Wh-why was Blake on top of Yang? Were they wrestling?"

"YES RUBY!" Weiss shouted in fury, "THEY WERE WRESTLING! AND NOTHING ELSE!" meanwhile in her head she was plotting how many different ways she could get the two of them spayed.

* * *

 **A/N:** i write this purely to screw with Weiss~ there's just something fun about her yelling and Ruby being adorably 'what?'

and yes, Mal-Wyvern is Bad Dragon... if you look it up, its your own fault XD providing niche stuff for everyone~ no matter the universe~ XD

Review? :D

Till next -salute-waves- Sayounara, Mina!

-Ikasury


	4. For You SunShine

**A/N:** a kinda dumb response to someone wonder where Sun was :D

now with 100% more Abs!

ENJOY!

* * *

For you SunShine~

A few weeks back at Haven and Sun was already bored. Why wasn't anything cool happening? He missed his girlfriends, he missed the crazy that was Beacon in general. No day there was a boring one, that's for sure. Especially for him with two young ladies with seemingly infinite drive for either the crazy, scary or kinky. He loved every moment with them.

With a whine Sun sat down hard at his desk, grateful the other guys of SSSN were out so he could wallow for a moment. His Abs were sad, not able to do anything with Yang's awesome bust or Blake's beautiful butt. His head forehead came down hard on the desk top.

 _"I BUUUUURRRRRN! Can't hold me now…"_

"Eh, why scroll, why?" Sun let the song play a second more before his tail pulled it out and put it in front of his head. It was a text from Yang.

And it was a video.

With the subtitle 'For you SunShine~'…

A wide grin spread on the monkey Faunus' face, which turned to drooling mush when he hit play.

His Abs were very happy right now.

* * *

About an hour later Neptune walked into Team SSSN's room. For the most part, it looked normal…

Only Sun was passed out on his desk.

Worried about his buddy, Neptune jumped over to the monkey faunus and shook his shoulder, "Dude?" getting no response he pulled him up and noticed his eyes were blank and there was blood streaming down his nose, "OH GOD WHAT THE HELL?!" panicking he started shaking the monkey, just to see if he was okay, when that didn't work he slapped him.

"So… many…. Cat girls…" was all he could get out of his leader.

Still rather distressed, Neptune grabbed the only thing that could probably be the cause this kind of problem, his scroll! Grabbing it out of the limp tail he noticed the last thing on the screen was a video… sent by Yang.

For a second Neptune just stared, then started shaking and finally threw the scroll back at his leader, "EEEEEEWWWW! I DID NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT MAN!" and ran out the door.

Sun was just left there by himself, twitching, but managed to raise his tail enough to take a picture of his current state and send it back to his girlfriends. Oh the things they did to him.

* * *

 **A/N:** Neptune is apparently their Weiss, maybe there's hope for Iceburg after all XD

just really stupid :P

Till next -salute-waves- Sayounara, Mina!

-Ikasury


	5. Queen of her Court

**A/N:** because silly and dumb?

Wishy and i have devised a new headcanon because of this crack, case in point: Blake, Goddess of Porn, for all your hentai needs~

ENJOY!

* * *

Queen of her Court

Blake was sitting in the room reading one of her books (which wasn't porn for once!) it was a new fantasy series that was supposedly really good. Something about characters randomly dying off for whatever contrived reason the author saw put. Apparently it meant the fans were betting constantly who was going to be next.

Also there were A LOT of sex scenes, but this was TOTALLY not porn! This was high end fantasy damnit!

… though she'd seen very little magic so far other than a couple of overgrown dogs, but whatever…

" _My heart will go ooooooon~ and IIIIIIIIIIIIII-ai-ai willlllll aaaallllllllwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaayyyysssss-"_

Her hidden cat ear twitched, grabbing her scroll without even looking, "What?"

" _The hell? Where's my stuff!?"_

Without removing her eyes from her book she held the scroll out at an appropriate distance while Cardin bitched on the other end. After a few pages, and getting to the end of the chapter, she finally brought it back, "Are you done?"

There was some gruff huffing on the other end, " _Grrr… ugh… fine… what gives though, thought we had a deal?!"_

"I've got a lot of deals," she put the scroll on her shoulder, turning the page, "And I've decided to add a stipulation to ours…"

" _Oh come on!"_ more growling on the other end, " _I'll pay double!"_

It took a lot of effort on Blake's part not to snort, "It's not a money thing, it's a moral thing…"

 _"Moral? You're a fucking animal and you're selling porn!"_ after a long pause it sounded like he hit his forehead, " _Wait, shit."_

Setting her book down she pulled the scroll from her shoulder and narrowly looked at it for a second before putting it up to her ear, "See, right there," she leaned to the side, crossing one arm over her chest, "See, I'm a forgiving person, mostly, but your Faunus-hating bullshit is getting on my nerves." She put the book down to the side and stood up, glancing around, "If you can go a whole week without harassing another Faunus, I'll reconsider our deal…"

" _Oh come on! I-you-agh!_ "

A slight smirk rose on the cat Faunus' face, turning to look out the window, "Stop picking on Faunus, and you'll get the next volume of 'Yowling from the Fence', we have a deal?"

" _Arrggg… fine. Only because the last three were that good… damnit."_

Blake just smirked.

There was a rough sigh, " _so are we talking just Faunus or everyone I can't fuck with?"_

Blake thought about that for a few seconds, "Honestly, I don't care, stay away from the Faunus and you'll get your book…"

There was a sinister chuckle, " _Fine, guess I'll just have to go… workout or something…"_

Without caring Blake just shrugged, clicking off her scroll. The guy was a jerk, but he was good for business… being the only person she charged triple price for her side business. Half the things Yang got from Mal-Wyvern were 'helped' with those proceeds.

 _"Do the bunny hop! Hop! Hop! Hop!"_

Blake clicked her scroll, "Hey Velvet."

" _H-hey, Blake… so… I was wonder… if you-I mean I might be needing-er… well… ehehehe…"_

The black cat Faunus could only roll her eyes. Velvet was one of her 'nicer' patrons, as in she got the friend discount because she actually returned her books in a timely manner and in good condition, but no matter what she could never just flat out ask for them. "You need a new book?" there was a squeak on the other end, likely accompanied by a nod despite she couldn't see it, "Well, you're in luck, I've still got a copy of 'Yowling from the Fence', the guy never came to pick it up…" there was not an evil smirk on her face, totally not.

" _Awesome! I love that series! Er-I mean… uh, same as usual?_ "

Another roll of amber eyes, "It'll be there." Instead of dealing with the sortied goodbyes, Blake just hit the 'end call' button on her scroll. She loved Velvet, the girl was sweet, but sometimes she could _really_ drag things out.

And Blake wasn't in the mood to drag anything out.

She'd been feeling rather moody and restless, and all the bargaining with her 'business' wasn't helping. She could barely keep her focus on her own private stash, let alone hold everyone's hand that came crawling to her for their porn fix. Honestly, she was still amazed she could keep this under wraps. Yang never asked where the money came from and she was thorough about monitoring Ruby in case she ever got curious about her books, more worried how Yang in her overbearing/protective mom!mode would react to her baby sister suddenly reading some X-rated material than anything else. Yang was a devious little kink-master herself, the bag under her bed stashed, ironically, _behind_ all the porn books and filled with assorted 'stuff' from Mal-Wyvern was a testament to that. But she could be SUCH a worry-nag when it came to keeping Ruby 'safe' from everything.

Blake was honestly convinced if either she or Yang had kids the blonde would duct-tape some giant horrendous fluffy monstrosity to them before kicking them outside, for their 'protection'. If overbearing love could kill, Yang Xiao Long would be the one to figure it out.

Plus the blonde brawler had a particular allergy to books, or at least the ones she hadn't written herself, so Blake knew those two never bothered to poke around her collection. And she was fairly convinced if Weiss bothered to look she never asked and meticulously put the books back exactly how they were. Blake was convinced if the white haired heiress needed to _ask_ when her smutty books literally lined their walls, there was just something wrong with the girl.

Feeling a bit twitchier than usual, Blake taped open her scroll checking the calendar, "Damnit."

That's why she was feeling moodier and anxious. Ever since she was fourteen there was one thing she dreaded more than being stuck in a burning room full of dogs, and that was when she went into, for the lack of a better word as much as she hated to admit it, heat.

Female cats generally stayed in heat until they got screwed for three nights by every tom in the area and got pregnant. Luckily being only a Faunus with cat traits this meant she only got exceptionally horny for a few weeks three times a year. She was experienced enough to get through these periods without anyone realizing, only getting exceptionally snappy and being more 'withdrawn' than normal. Luckily the other members of Team RWBY had previously not questioned her not-quite-different-shift in demeanor the last few times. Thank Monty for humans and their stupidity at times.

The only _problem_ was that it was getting harder and harder to deal with, there was a damn good reason she had literal _walls_ worth of porn! Before she could get away with just reading and ignoring the intense animalistic urges, but this year she felt that wasn't going to cut it.

This year she had access to two very hot and very sexy individuals, which she had seen naked, had her fun-time-way with, and not to mention the bag of ' _stuff_ ' hidden behind her porn under her bed. She was not going to make it through this season without someone figuring it out…

There was only one way to curb this, and frankly it was about damn time!

She sent a text to Yang: _Where are you?_

Blake had enough time to start pacing before she got a response: _In detention~ Glyndie's being mean to meeeeeee~ What'ya want sexy? ;P_

Part of her was amused by Yang's childish text-talk but the more domineering one, that sounded like a yowling cat in her head, was displeased by this response: _How long?_

Another few minutes went by, she'd circled the room once already and was working on another lap before the buzzing of her scroll signaled another text: _Eerr… till I finish this make-up work? O.o;_

Followed quickly by another: _Wats up kitten? Ya need me for something? I can ditch if you want! :D_

Blake actually snorted. Yang could be an idiot at times but she really was adorable, and she really wasn't dumb just… academically challenged. _Nvm I'll call Sun_.

The reply was almost immediate, and since it was cut off she was convinced Yang either had her scroll confiscated or had to hide it: _awwww now I re-_

Snorting, and probably a _bit_ annoyed, she quickly texted something out to Sun, cursing the fact he was stuck in Haven instead of here, like he should be!

Surprisingly his response was quicker than Yang's.

" _I'm too sexy for shirt, too sexy for my shirt, too sexy it huuuuuuurts-"_

"That was fast," Blake spoke flatly as she picked up.

" _Well, yea! When I get a text from one of my girls that says 'Call. Now.' I kinda figure it's important?"_ there was a bit of shuffling around on his end, " _So where's the fire at? Something wrong?"_

"I'll show you where the fire's at," the innuendo was out of her mouth before she could properly think about it. This may or may not have resulted in Blake facepalming, "Nevermind, get over here as quickly as you can."

" _I-what?"_ sometimes Blake really wished the two blondes in her life didn't live up to the stereotype, " _Wait, why do I have to head there now? Is there like a major Grimm attack, is Yang hurt? You? Did somebody die? What?"_

Pinching the bridge of her nose Blake tried to suppress the growl forming in her throat, "No, I just **_need_** you now."

" _Need as in?"_

" ** _NEED_** Sun!" at this point she was growling at the scroll, "Don't make me have to be blunt like Yang, you won't like it when you get here if I need to be blunt…"

There was a bit of a chuckle on the other end, " _Well, I guess it is springtime over there~"_

Amber eyes glared at her scroll before she put it back, "You are so lucky you're sexy…"

 _"Un! Don't forget it kitten, I am **THE** definition of sexy~ I put the 'me' in pleased~ and before you ask where the 'm' went, well, that's all that'll be coming outta your mouth while I'm-_ "

"Here. Now!" was all Blake could get out as her face went red and she abruptly ended the call. She knew from experience if she let him Sun had a series' worth of lines, that were actually somewhat good, and it was downright horrifying what happened when him and Yang got together.

Blake quickly threw her scroll on her desk. If she was lucky Sun could get a flight out of Haven and be here within three to four hours, which would probably be as long as it took for Yang to get her work done or Professor Goodwitch to get bored with her and finally set her free. Blake may have taken a few minutes to twiddle her fingers like an evil mastermind before setting about her work of preparations.

Which started with looking at the haphazard bunkbeds they'd devised of Yang's bed precariously balanced on four stacks of her books, books that she needed at the moment to distract herself. Also that bed needed to come down so they'd have more room. With the faintest touch the secondary bed came crashing to the floor on its side and she was honestly wondering how that hadn't happened sooner.

It didn't take _too_ long to fix the bed so it was between the wall and flush with her own. Collecting her books and checking them for damage before getting to the real business at hand.

Crouching down and throwing up her covers Blake spied her numerous collect of illicit reading material. It took a few minutes of pulling them out (and properly organizing them so she didn't get confused later) that there was enough space that she could remove The Bag.

… this also happened to be the moment in time for Weiss to walk into their room.

For a moment the white haired heiress just glared, "Why is it every time I walk into this room you are in a compromising position?"

Blake's bow twitched before the Faunus sat up from her crouch, pulling The Bag out with her, mostly, it might have gotten stuck on a few more books. With a low growl, Blake just turned over her shoulder to glare at the Schnee, "You have impeccable timing."

Icy blue eyes rolled as Weiss moved to her desk, obviously trying to grab something and leave as quickly as possible, "I don't want to know what you and Yang plan on doing, I don't want to see it, I don't want to hear it, and I would like to be nowhere near it, so I'll just grab what I came for and leave…"

"Good," Blake bent over again grabbing a few more books out from under her bed to better accommodate The Bag's retrieval, "Then you might want to go ask around if you can stay with someone else for the next few days…"

It sounded like something dropped, as Weiss turned to her black-clad comrade, "I'm sorry, what?"

Blake finally got The Bag out and smirked triumphantly at it, "Well, you don't want to be anywhere _near_ what we're going to be doing and it's going to be awhile," the cat smirk got somewhat more sinister as she unzipped The Bag, "Sun's on his way over and once Yang's out of detention… well…"

Was that purring Weiss was hearing or had she finally gone nuts from her teammates? She finally turned around to see what Blake had pulled out from under her bed, and wished she hadn't, "OH-MY-GOD! WHAT IS ALL THAT?!"

Blake didn't respond as she started pulling _things_ out, trying to find something specific.

"Dear Monty! What is _wrong_ with you!" the Schnee heiress shrieked as she turned back to the door.

Feeling a bit feisty, and completely blaming her relationship with a certain set of blondes, Blake turned to the white heiress with a smug grin, "Do you _reeaaally_ want to know?"

"NO! NO I DON'T!" Weiss nearly ripped the door of its hinges, "I'm going to go get a room in Vale for the next _WEEK_ and I'm taking Ruby with me to save her this horror that is her sister's deviant sex life, and ordering a bunch of spray bottles and industrial strength bleach!"

When the door slammed Blake couldn't help releasing a laugh, sometimes Weiss really wasn't that bad, despite being a Schnee.

A decent amount of time went by, spent easily putting _things_ in their proper places for appropriate uses, when the door knocked.

Blake's bow twitched towards the door and she skeptically opened it to quite the surprise, "Sun?!"

"Hey there Kitten, I hear you ordered an express package from Haven?" the monkey Faunus did a few poses, flexing his abs and giving her a winking smile.

Amber eyes blinked, surprised to see him so soon, "It's only been an hour since I called you, how?" as far as she knew the fastest flights still took a good three hours to travel between the cities.

Sun just leaned on the door stop with one arm, looking as charming as he possibly could, "You probably won't believe me if I told you," when a black brow rose on the wary cat he knew he'd have to give the details, "Alright, no need to twist my arm~" he smiled brightly holding out his hands, "It's actually really simple, I called up Pyrrha after you hung up on me, since she's used to traveling from Mystral all over, and told her you needed me for an emergency, she said to just walk into the airport and call her so she could set things up. Did you know she has her OWN FREAKIN' JET!" his hands went up as he somewhat fanboy'ed, "Pyrrha freakin' Nikos has her own jet! Said her sponsor gave it to her for free after she won the last tournament in Mystral! But she like never uses it but it's always prepped in case, so flashing my scroll with her on it got me on board and here in about 45 minutes, that thing is FAST!"

The second he was done talking Blake simply grabbed his collar and dragged him down for a kiss. The blonde boy's tail went straight and after a second he kissed her back with a stupid grin on his face. When they finally separated Blake looked over his shoulder at the door across the hall, "I'll have to think of a way to thank her…"

There was a jingling click of something metal as Sun's tail pulled what appeared to be a pair of handcuffs from his pocket as he looked as his girlfriend with a sly grin, "Oh, I can think of a few things," those handcuffs jiggled, "But first, you said you **_needed_** me for something, my queen?"

With a sly Cheshire smirk Blake dragged the monkey boy into her room by his captive collar.

* * *

"Weeeiiiisssss! Where are we going!" Ruby flailed as her partner dragged her out of the airship from Beacon into Vale. The little reddish brunette had no idea what was going on, she'd been outside talking to Velvet about her box when all of a sudden her partner just came storming out of the dorms, grabbed her arm and shouted loudly that they were going to be staying in Vale for the next week. Ruby was honestly fine with a small vacation, she just worried since the suggestion was coming from Weiss of all people, "Why are we staying in town? Don't we have class?"

"They were canceled," was the Schnee heiress' clipped response.

Raising a brow, Ruby looked at her partner skeptically, "They were? Why?"

"A festival…" Weiss said flatly.

Now Ruby was really confused, pouting at her partner, "But I don't see any decorations?"

For a moment it looked like the white clad girl shuddered, "Trust me, there is one going on and we need to get as far away-er, I mean," she growled quickly cutting herself off. There was no way she could flat out tell Ruby that, she'd have to improvise, "… Further in town? Yea! Further in! to town! Away from Beacon… to see it…" quickly covering up any inconsistencies by dragging Ruby further _away_ from that horrible place.

"Oh! Okay!" a bright smile passed on Ruby's face, this sounded like it could be fun! She pulled out her scroll with her free hand, "Lemme just call up Yang and Bl-!"

"NO!" Weiss quickly turned around and snatched Ruby's scroll, "Er, I mean…" she coughed tucking the scroll into her own pocket, "They're… _already_ , er, celebrating… yea…"

"Aww," the younger girl pouted adorably again, "Why aren't they here celebrating with us!" she looked up at the older girl with watery puppy eyes, "is it something I said?"

Weiss just stared. She hated to admit it but she was completely unable to resist that level of adorably pathetic cute Ruby could pull off with her puppy eyes, "NO! NOTHING YOU DID! ABSOLUTELY NOT!" her free hand was pumped and she drew Ruby into a tight one armed hug. Then realizing her slip, coughed and looked away, "Er… I mean… its… celebrated between partners… yea! A partner bonding festival!" back was her confident fist pumping! She could get through this insanity!

"OH REALLY?!" damn Ruby and her adorably naïve sparkling eyes and squeaky optimism!

Weiss was stunned for a moment only able to stare, before shaking her head and looking as far away as she could, "Yes… lots of partner…" a shudder shook her whole body, " _bonding…_ " another awkward cough.

Ruby was smiling, obviously about to accept this logic until one detail popped into her head, "But wait, I saw Sun walking back to our room before you came to get me-"

Panicking Weiss did the only thing she was capable of in this situation.

"OH LOOK! FESTIVAL STUFF!"

Distraction!

… and before Ruby could so much as question the fact there in fact _were_ no 'festival stuff', Weiss had grabbed her hand and was dragging her off throughout the depths of Vale.

The white Heiress could only hope she survived this week.

* * *

 **A/N:** soon Weiss, soon~ :D

i've also decided i may need to spoof reasons why Pyrrha-Freakin'-Nikos shouldn't die, here's number 116, she has a goddamn jet! for all your cross-continental-booty-call-needs! XD

and just so you all know, the title of the 'book' came from Wishstone ;P

Review? :D

Till next -salute-waves- Sayounara, Mina!

-Ikasury


	6. P-Money Lite

**A/N:** Cause i like Weiss, and i feel like she has a lot to build on~ and i figure, if ANYONE would get half the insecurities Pyrrha had, it'd be Weiss, they were 'almost' the same :3

so a little friend crack to throw on this fire~

ENJOY!

* * *

P-Money Lite

Weiss hated being second best. Period.

She was a lot of things; successful, smart, had her own singing career, was an outstanding Huntress-in-training, beautiful if she said so herself! She had it all! Money! Fame! Power! She was awesome!

But standing next to Pyrrha freakin' Nikos she was reminded she sure as hell wasn't the only one.

Pyrrha had her own jet. She had the love of her team leader. She was the record holding champion of Mystral for her outstanding _PERFECT_ four straight wins in their regional tournament. And as much as Weiss hated to admit it, the woman had done WONDERS to Jaune, the damn Mr. Universe of Beacon was now permanently unobtainable because Ms. Perfect snagged that underneath everyone's noses. Weiss had the chance… but boy did she waste it.

Oh well, noodly blonde guys weren't her interest anyway…

And she could still sing, damnit!

… well, she _had_ that in the bag until that freakin' talent competition where Pyrrha rocked a tragic Mystralian ballad of forlorn love and _SERIOUSLY_ there was no damn way ANYONE could out do Ms. Perfect on **_THAT_**!

She won, of course, because any time Pyrrha freakin' Nikos competes, she WINS! No exceptions, it was like a rule of the Universe, Weiss was convinced.

Which meant no matter what, she'd always be second.

And Weiss **_hated_** being second.

Pyrrha was always better, it was like being back in Atlus with her sister Winter all over again.

Only Pyrrha was individually wealthy, everything she had she gained herself through her championship winnings or sponsors. Weiss would admit the Mystralian trained like crazy, so she couldn't say she didn't deserve anything she had, making the extra wholesomeness of the red head's outstanding victories in _EVERYTHING_ that much more grating. She was individually wealthy, good with her money, charitable, genuinely **_nice_** in every way possible (except maybe a competitive streak no one could fault her for) and all of her talents, while seeming gods-given, were genuinely developed with hardwork and hours of practice and dedication.

Pyrrha freakin' 'P-Money' Nikos was goddamn perfect.

It seemed for Weiss the closest she could ever get was 'P-Money lite' as Nora once called her, much to her absolute chagrin.

It was an extra insult since Weiss took it as a jab at the differences in their physical characteristics. Sure, she was short, she accepted that when she was 14 and everyone else was taller than her, vainly hoping she'd grow to _at least_ be as tall as Winter but that ship seemed to have sailed. At twenty she was still petite at best…

And don't even get her started on her 'humble' assets…

While Pyrrha goddamn Nikos was an impressive six feet, well 'developed', even the fact she was muscular didn't detract from how proportionally voluptuous the damn woman was! Breasts that were perfect, even compared to Yang's which were a bit bigger, hips that matched them just right, despite Blake's being wider, all culminating in a perfect hourglass figure and athletic build and overflowing confidence that made her the number one desirable woman at Beacon.

Pyrrha GODDAMN Nikos was perfect.

And Weiss hated it.

Or at least, she felt she should.

Maybe it was her time at Beacon, surrounded by roudy individuals, psychotic deviants like her teammates, lunatics like Ren and Nora, and enough Faunus to give her father and aneurism, but somehow she'd… mellowed out.

For the longest time she **_hated_** Pyrrha for being perfect. This of course was after she'd had enough reality checks to realize she wasn't perfect or 'the best', Pyrrha was, and her wounded pride wanted to blame something. Then, Weiss supposed, she just 'grew up'.

Pyrrha wasn't perfect, in fact the taller girl had become a decent friend to her, the two of them having a level of understanding between each other. Both had been prodigies, were socially awkward in that 'I can fake it' kind of way, and for all intents and purposes _were_ superior to rest of the students at Beacon but where Weiss used to flaunt it Pyrrha was humble about it. They were also rich as hell, Weiss because of her family, Pyrrha from her competitions, so they knew the annoyances that brought and could only really talk to each other about it without feeling… 'weird' about it to the rest of these poor chumps.

Honestly, if it weren't for Pyrrha, Weiss was almost positive she'd have snapped and gone on a murderous rampage years ago, specifically when Blake and Yang started getting their deviant kink all over their room and she was forced to spend more time with Ruby sheltering the poor naïve girl.

It was actually Pyrrha's idea that Weiss try to 'enjoy' those trips away from the lunacy that was the weird couple-triple-whatever that took up the other half of their dorm room. The Mystralian was surprisingly open-minded about a lot of things, though apparently that was just part of Mystral culture and probably helped that Pyrrha wasn't raised in a crazy strict family like the Schnees.

Weiss remembered last summer where all of Team RWBY and JNPR were invited to Pyrrha's ancestral home. Okay, it wasn't really that auspicious, her small apartment she grew up in with her mother was rather quant, but the rest of the country was insane with pictures of Pyrrha freakin' Nikos everywhere! Those people DID NOT skimp on merchandising what they considered a national treasure.

No, both teams did NOT spend their time in the cramped little apartment. Yang and Blake stopped by to see the place then disappeared, likely to wherever Sun was so they could shack up for the whole week. Ren and Nora said hi, ate pancakes then disappeared for the whole time too, returning to the jet with all manner of strange things no one wanted to bother asking about or why Ren was in a dress. Jaune was forced to sleep on the couch, Momma-Nikos' orders, while the girls shared Pyrrha's old room. It was cozy enough, made more so when Pyrrha _insisted_ they take the bed and they said _nothing_ about her slipping out in the middle of the night. Momma-Nikos' be damned!

Luckily Mystral culture seemed to encourage people _NEVER_ slept. The people were up before dawn and out the door doing whatever in the cities and didn't return to nearly two in the morning. Weiss finally had a reason for just **_HOW_** Pyrrha could do so much in one damn day, apparently it was just part of her upbringing. Breakfast, training, cleaning, shopping, wondering, more shopping, haggling, training, meeting with family, etc. all before lunch, it was maddening. From what Weiss could tell only Ruby could keep up, and that was only for the first two days, then the little speedster crashed and Momma-Nikos laughed, calling her lazy.

Weiss was so worn out from the trip, in a good way, that her and Ruby slept the whole way back (on Pyrrha's freakin' jet!) and were apparently carried back and thrown on her bed to sleep for the rest of the day.

Weiss would never admit she was thankful for the damnably perfect redhead distracting their other teammates too much to put her and Ruby in separate beds.

Weiss would never have invited her team or JNPR to her home, they'd be thrown out in a second due to her crazy father. All the 'traditions' being broken and whatever else he could shout about. Then there was Winter and she wasn't sure how her older sister would react to half the things that happened when her friends were together. The world for Weiss Schnee had gotten extremely strange over the years.

She wasn't the 'best' and she was okay with that. She was friends with a number of certifiably _insane_ individuals, including several faunus, and arguably her 'best' friend was the one woman she had plotted several times, and in great detail, how to murder and get away with it, for something as petty as being 'first' for once.

Weiss Schnee **_hated_** being second best, but maybe, just for once she was fine with being 'P-Money lite'.

* * *

 **A/N:** also celebrating my midterms being over and my new icon, Weiss, you might just be starting to become my new favorite~ enjoy it~

and soon Weiss, soon~

Mystral, like the crack-infused spawn of Italy and Greece, get your expresso, merchandise, and cramped apartments with weird family just down the street~ :D hell Japan might have gotten in there somehow too~ XD

Till next -salute-waves- Sayounara, Mina!

-Ikasury

Ps: number 45 on why Pyrrha freakin' Nikos should still be around: Awesome friend~ :D


	7. The 12 Labors of Pyrrha Nikos

**A/N:** this is what we call a bout of insanity brought on by the demands of Arkos and the fact i'm taking Greek Mythology this semester and totally rock it so hard~

i was laughing so hard while driving i nearly hit a car, APPRECIATE THE MADNESS!

ENJOY!

* * *

The Twelve Labors of Pyrrha Nikos

In the years following the graduation of Team JNPR and RWBY from Beacon, Pyrrha will look back and realize…

She should have listened to her mother when she said marrying an Arc was a curse.

* * *

Labor 1: The Nemean Lion

The first sign Pyrrha was going to be facing her longest and most harrowing battle over the years was when Jaune proposed to her the day after their first mission as a solo pair of Hunters working in Vale.

After the graduation party, the teams splitting up to see their families, or wandering off as both Ruby and Yang did for a whole year, much to the insanity caused by fretting to their respective partners and spouses, Jaune and Pyrrha had traveled via her jet to speak with both their families. Jaune's was easy, they were in Vale… just on the outskirts and apparently on the high rich end. Pyrrha had never once pegged Jaune to be a rich boy but after meeting his parents and siblings she understood why. He had seven _OLDER_ sisters and they easily outmatched him, in fact she had to face all of them just to garner their 'approval' and this included his mother. The Matron of Arc manor was not a push over either, the woman was a rampaging lioness out to protect her baby boy!

When the dust finally settled and Pyrrha _barely_ won, she got the Arc Matron's approval and some scary advice. Apparently the Arc family had a tendency towards large families. Years down the line she _really_ should have listened to the woman more seriously.

The trip to Mystral was far less harrowing, and while her family from all over decided to show up to get the measure of this 'boy' seeking their dear sweet precious niece, granddaughter, great-granddaughter, grand-niece, cousin, second cousin, etc.'s affections he had his own trials to deal with. Only for Jaune it was much easier as he generally just had to deal with the huge gathering of older women and holding his liquor. The worst part was Pyrrha having to fend off her cousins from touching what had been claimed **_hers_** for the past three years!

Her mother said to not marry him. Not that she didn't like him, he was a nice boy and all, but that if Pyrrha did so she'd likely never be allowed to step foot in an arena again. Jaune happened to be listening in at that point and laughed it off, saying _he'd_ be the one never allowed to do anything if he so much as _dared_ suggest the great warrior that was his intended couldn't smack people around for money. He got some brownie points for that but her mother continued disapproving…

It was after they fought a large Nemean, a lion-like Grimm, Jaune proposing and Pyrrha throwing up on him that she realized why. Arc men got their women pregnant without trying.

Pyrrha said she could deal with it, they'd just wait to have the wedding until the child was born, and they both joked about family names, saying if it was a boy he'd be an Arc and if it was a girl she'd be a Nikos. Pyrrha had _thought_ she'd won this argument, seeing as Jaune had a plethora of sisters and her own family tended to only produce women.

Oh how wrong she was when their first son arrived, a strip of red hair and wailing. He was named Lionus Arc. He would go on to be a great warrior like his mother, believed to be impenetrable as no projectiles could defeat him and his thick hide.

He was eventually defeated by Nora and Ren's second daughter named Lie Zhuo, who hit him with a club.

* * *

Labor 2: The Lernean Hydra

Having dealt with her first Labor, Pyrrha figured she'd be fine settling in and taking care of her son with her not-quite-husband. Jaune agreed, enamored by the idea of fatherhood and spending his days with his lovely wife, who still looked lovely 8 months into her pregnancy and no one could tell him otherwise or else they'd have to deal with the vengeful might of his not-quite-wife's polarity semblance.

They spent the first month or so being driven up the wall from their new son who had a roar as loud as a lion's and could be just as feisty despite being so young. Jaune was perfectly willing to blame that on Pyrrha, for there was no way with his mother he'd be that feisty so young. Pyrrha adamantly disagreed.

Seeing as the new parents were getting at each other's throats, their former teammates decided to give them some help. Nora and Ren vowed to take care of the little tyke for a weekend while they went off and did something _relaxing_. They did this… for all of a few hours sleeping in and vegging out, then got bored and the Arc curse continued.

A few months later while little Lionus was again having fun with Aunty Nora and Uncle Ren, Jaune and Pyrrha were off making money as Hunters taking down a vicious Hydra, a gaint multi-headed snake Grimm that had gotten WAAAAAY too big to be handled by the locals on their own. Nora and Ren would have gone too, but Nora felt it was safer she and her zappy hammer be as far away from those swamps as possible, also who else was going to look after Lionus?

So taking the tricky beast down, as NOTHING stops Pyrrha freakin' Nikos and her not-quite-husband Jaune Arc, once again the blonde tried to propose… and again Pyrrha ended up throwing up, luckily not on him this time at least, but signaling yet again the Arc curse had taken effect.

Months later, on a boat, their second son, also with bright red hair though a bit more noodlely like his father, Hyde Arc was born.

Like his elder brother and mother, he was a great warrior, taking to flowing weapons like chains more readily than solid ones. He was considered very slippery and was an excellent swimmer, making him great in aquatic areas for fighting Grimm.

He was eventually defeated by Nautica Vassailes, Neptune's daughter, who threw a rock at him.

* * *

Labor 3: The Hind of Ceryneia

After birthing their second son Pyrrha was wary there wasn't some great cosmic joke happening. Jaune just laughed, holding one red haired son in each arm happy to see his boys.

At least they now had a bit more understanding of what was going on with 'kids' and how to deal with them, sort of. With Lionus coming to a year old and Hyde just starting out life, the couple decided they needed to get a bigger place so the boys would have room to grow. Team SSSN happened to be in Vale at the time and Sun was eager to help his friends out, and possibly play with their adorable baby boys. Neptune was dragged along and Sage and Scarlet made themselves scare claiming to be helping in the search for a new domicile for the growing Arc-Nikos brood.

Sage made a comment about how this didn't look to be ending anytime soon and Scarlet thought he was just joking. He wasn't.

With the new home found, with more rooms than Pyrrha thought they needed but Sage mentioned they had a lot of friends and the room would be welcomed, she relented. Everyone from SSSN, CFVY, RWBY and Ren and Nora were invited over and as only ever happens when they all got together insanity ensued. Neptune somehow got stuck with baby watch, probably because he was the only one not drinking and being responsible at the party.

This was a **_very_** dangerous party the party goers would later lament.

Sun managed to knock up BOTH Yang and Blake, Nora somehow managed to snag Ren long enough to get pregnant with their first daughter, and as was expected the Arc curse continued.

Some months later on a hunt for a Hind, a generally non-violent deer-like Grimm for study for Professor Port, Pyrrha managed to catch the willy creature, barehanded, and carried it back on her shoulders. Jaune tried to propose again but the thing kicked him in the face when Pyrrha removed her hand for a single moment to avert her obvious nausea.

Their third son was a light fiery red head, his hair turning almost golden in summer light, and he was named Hindricks Arc.

He wasn't so much a warrior like his mother and elder brothers, he actually liked to avoid fighting when necessary. His greatest gifts were his speed and tactical tenacity, he could get away and out of just about any situation. His team consisting of Noir Belladonna, Gou Wukong, and Lie Mei were considered very successful… at causing chaos and getting out of it thanks to their leader.

He was eventually 'caught' by Mei, as the Arc curse continued.

* * *

Labor 4: The Erymanthean Boar

After giving birth to Hindricks, Pyrrha was convinced something was up with the universe. Not wanting to put it off any longer she had a priest brought in and had her and Jaune married within the hour of her third son's birth. She had hoped this would 'end' whatever curse was going on but that was a silly thought.

For a wedding without friends meant a great party and celebration was to be had, and already they should have known better what that was going to lead to.

Eventually the mighty ruckus _this_ party caused was enough to call the Valean police. Jaune and most of those who had been drinking were brought into the station and held for a month just to 'teach them a lesson' about being responsible adults and something about endangering kids. It would have been longer but one does not take away Pyrrha freakin' Arc-Nikos' husband the day she just gave birth, got married and knocked up again without severe consequences.

Severe consequences being about an entire battalion of squad cars held effortlessly in the air as the embodiment of raging hormonal maternal fury demands the father of her children back. The others would be nice to, but mainly the noodlely blonde guy.

It took the combined powers of Weiss, Ruby, Velvet and Yatsuhashi to talk Pyrrha down from throwing the damn things. Blake and Nora were taking care of the kids and Coco and Fox were eating popcorn on the sidelines. Yang wasn't present because she'd been arrested with the other bachelors, including her own baby-daddy Sun and his whole team plus Ren. And Ren only because Nora had been trying to get him drunk again but instead he'd ended up passed out and was thrown in with the rest by the association of his blood alcohol content.

With the noodlely blonde and his formally drunken cohorts released, the Arc-Nikos couple could _finally_ have something resembling a honeymoon. It consisted of taking a trip to Mystral where her mother fawned over her grandsons, insisting her daughter and begrudging son-in-law leave and get some damn exercise that obviously wasn't sex.

They hunted down a massive Boarbatusk that had been a hassle in the area for some time and completely ignored her mother's addendum, not like it'd do anything as Pyrrha was already pregnant.

Their fourth son, this one with oddly dark red hair and for some reason a penchant for muttonchops, was named Wilbur Arc.

He was a very bright and happy man who was probably the fattest out of any of their children. Not that anyone should call him fat, as he wasn't (no son of Pyrrha's would be _fat_ ). No Wilbur just had a very large build and packed a lot of muscle to the point he looked fat. He was _HUGE_. But generally Wilbur was a very gentle giant… unless he got angry, then he rampaged the likes none had seen since his mother in her pregnant frenzies.

He was eventually 'caught' by Prim Rose, Weiss and Ruby's daughter (that's a _loooong_ story). She thought he was adorable.

* * *

Labor 5: The Augean Stables

At four sons Pyrrha was getting very tired and Jaune was running out of arm space for the boys. Luckily Lionus was finally getting old enough to walk about and talk and for all intents and purposes be useful. His parents loved him for his efforts.

But he was still a young and an uncoordinated boy and tended to cause more messes then he helped. His parents still loved him for his efforts.

Weiss came to check on the family after some time without something crazy going on that lead back to the infamous Arc-Nikos house and found out why they'd been so 'quiet'.

The still fairly new, if overwhelmed, parents had a severe mess on their hands. Their home was littered top to bottom with junk, baby stuff, messes everywhere and all manner of unmentionable things as their four young boys ran about causing more trouble.

That's when Godmother Weiss stepped in and put some Schnee discipline into these Arc boys! If there was one thing Weiss knew how to do, it was put an Arc boy in his place!

Pyrrha hated to admit she was grateful for the help.

Instead of tempting fate, again, she had Jaune and Weiss take the boys out to do something _else_ while she handled the mess that had become their house. With the coast clear she simply used her semblance to rush everything out of the house, not caring if it was valuable or unbroken, and just figured with her savings they could just buy new stuff anyway.

When Jaune and Weiss returned with three of the four boys knocked out from the long day outside and Linus walking while holding his godmother's hand, they found the house to be somewhat… flattened. Apparently Pyrrha had done more than just clean out the house… she demolished it in the excessive use of her semblance and Jaune couldn't help but facepalm at his wife's impatience.

With Weiss' help they ended up getting a new, _sturdier_ , place and hired Velvet as a nanny. The bunny faunus made plenty as a Huntress but decided she wasn't needed out there when her team was fine and it was relatively peaceful. Plus, somehow she had this amazing ability to get all their boys to clean up after themselves and none of them questioned it.

Of course with this all done a celebration was had, one with less alcohol, and only one person ended up pregnant. Pyrrha, of course.

She didn't even care at this point, she was honestly starting to like having her boys around and more never hurt.

Their fifth son was named Augustus Arc, and like his elder brother Hindricks he had that golden red hair and was much more mellow. He actually didn't pursue a line of work as a Hunter like his parents, instead he went into the Manny business. Having always been a neat and clean child he liked to take care of things and help his mother out, so this carried on into his profession.

This by no means meant he was defenseless. Augustus may have been the non-combatant of the family but with the power he inherited from his mother and tenacity from his father he was like the fury of two rivers if anyone dared to mess with his charges.

He got along quite well with his partner in the nanny business, Carmel Winchester.

* * *

Labor 6: The Stymphalian Birds

Bringing their newest son home Pyrrha was glad to just get some peace and quiet. Lionus was helping Velvet take care of the boys while daddy took care of mommy. They should have known by now this was a terrible idea.

Unfortunately, their new home happened to be near a lake, which was pretty during the spring and summer but for some reason during fall a large flock of birds hung around and would **_not_** shut up! It slowly drove Pyrrha a bit insane, and when the damn things tried to chase after her boys Momma-Pyrrha was not going to stand for that.

Using every weapon in her arsenal, from Milo down to the kitchen knives, she hunted the damn things down not only for her sons but to get some damn peace and quiet. Lionus and Hyde learned how to throw knives well at this age thanks to watching their mother masterfully pin several of the flock with very little help from her semblance.

Unfortunately, that gallivanting one day did nothing to stop the coming flock the next and next.

Fed up, Pyrrha sought the help of someone that instinctively knew a thing or two about catching birds; Blake.

Bringing her young son Noir and Yang's boy Gou over to play with the boys, as Yang was being extra crabby being pregnant again and Sun was left alone to deal with her, Blake lent her keen feline prowess in helping her friend with this damnable flock.

She did so by handing Pyrrha a bunch of noise makers and telling her to set them up in the trees while she read a book and sunbathed on the Arc-Nikos back lawn. Hey, she was a hunter of birds by nature, but hell like she was going to do it somewhere that wasn't her own house. So while the younger boys were inside with Gou and Noir learning the alphabet from Nanny Velvet, Blake was out back making sure Lionus and Hyde didn't fall in the pond while Mommy dealt with the birds.

Setting up the noisemakers so that when the birds landed they'd get freaked out and fly off, Pyrrha made it her mission to shoot down every one possible, just in case. This had the unintended side effect of calling down a Murder of GIANT NEVERMORE and Lionus and Hyde got to learn firsthand why their mother was such a badass.

Having taken care of the flock, Pyrrha hunched over feeling sick by the pond. Blake just patted her back snickering while her red-haired friend told her to shut up.

The sixth son of Pyrrha freakin' Arc-Nikos was named Avis Arc, who had stunning red hair like his mother and was their only son to wear glasses. He wasn't the best Hunter of their brood but he was certainly the smartest, giving his elder brother Hindricks a run for his money. He ended up quitting his Hunter career quickly, taking an apprenticeship under he and his siblings' godmother Weiss and became one of the best damn accountants in all of Remnant. Beware his paperwork-fu!

He was rumored to be shot down repeatedly by Arthuria Xiao Long.

* * *

Labor 7: The Cretan Bull

After Avis was born things once again settled down for a bit. Pyrrha, restless after having another son, decided to help train her eldest boys in the ways of fighting while Jaune played with the younger ones and Velvet took a few days off.

Lionus and Hyde learned well about the usefulness of thrown projectiles, and Hindricks was getting old enough to understand what his big brothers were doing. Lionus couldn't be touched by any projectiles, Hyde always managed to slip away and Hindricks just ran away when he could. Pyrrha just assumed teaching her boys would be a bit different from teaching their father, oh well.

During one of these training days she took the little boys out for a small jog in the park while Jaune dealt with the younger boys. For whatever cosmic reason the White Fang decided this was a _GREAT_ time to attack this particular park. They were quickly eating all forms of metal thanks to Momma-Pyrrha. Her boys thought it was so cool they decided to get more serious about their training.

Jaune of course fretted like no other when Pyrrha got home and Velvet was called over to look after the boys as they went out to 'celebrate' her victory.

A few months later while overcoming this year's bout of nausea Pyrrha opened her door to find a tall man in a mask with red hair and bull horns. He seemed rather upset about her beating the White Fang that one day in the park and she had no time to deal with this bullshit.

Suffice it to say the Arc boys got to watch as mommy kicked ass in a one-on-one fight with Adam Taurus, Leader of the White Fang. The commotion of their fight alerted the authorities and even Blake showed up to 'help', more like inform Pyrrha who she was fighting and why he was such a bad guy, making Pyrrha angrier over his prior behavior to one of her friends and promptly used her semblance to break his katana and most of his bones.

He still resides in Vale maximum security prison hospital wing. Pyrrha shows up occasionally just to mess with the screws holding his bones together to prove her point that he stay the hell away from her friends and her family. Suffice it to say he and just about everyone else in Vale learned to NOT mess with pregnant Huntresses.

In the following months Minos Arc was born, and was as stubborn as his hair was dark red. He wasn't the brightest of the Arc boys but he was the most stubborn, it may have taken him longer to pick things up or understand them but once he got it the damn thing stuck. Like his older brother Wilbur, he was also known for having a bit of a temper, unlike his brother he was also known for running straight through walls when angry, which was a great benefit to his teammates whenever they were in trouble as no wall was hard enough to stop Minos' hard head.

He was eventually 'caught' by a girl named Ariadne Twine, who had no real relation to any of his parents' friends except that she was from Vacuo.

* * *

Labor 8: The Horses of Diomedes

After having Minos, Pyrrha decided she needed some 'alone time', so had Jaune take the older boys out camping or something boys did for bonding while she watched over the youngest ones; Wilbur, Avis and Minos.

With the rowdier boys away, Pyrrha got to sit back and enjoy some quality time with her calmer sons. Now being much more experienced in dealing with children, the mother had no problem handling her three youngest while getting a few things done for herself and her own sanity. A few calm stretches, lounging on the couch, playing silly games with them, vegging out in front of the tv; just normal calming things.

Jaune got home with the older bunch to find Pyrrha adorably passed out on the couch holding her three youngest sons and probably drooling a bit. He still thought she looked absolutely beautiful. Having the three eldest take care of the younger boys, Jaune quietly picked their mother up and brought her to bed properly. If this was the where the Arc curse continued for this year, well… things happen.

A few months later the Arc-Nikos duo were called over to Vacuo to handle a rampaging herd of Nachtmar, horse-like Grimm that were said to eat people. Why they didn't call anyone else? Well that's because everyone else was either handling something else already or were too far along in personal 'affairs' (read: pregnancy) to deal with it. At this point everyone basically counted on Pyrrha freakin' Arc-Nikos to be pregnant and that surprisingly made her a scarier huntress. Jaune was just there to make sure she didn't turn her hormone rampage on any innocent villagers.

Suffice it to say the stampede of Nachtmar were handled swiftly, but the appearance of a mighty Sleipnir threw even the great huntress for a loop. For once, Jaune wasn't just there to look pretty and keep her calm, as Pyrrha had injured her ankle during the long fight and her nausea was kicking her ass, so Daddy-Arc stepped in and showed he wasn't just Mommy's eye-candy!

Either way the Arc curse continued.

Their eighth son, Dio Arc, was born a bit early making the time of his conception sketchy at best, but while it was hit or miss in his early years he grew up to be as healthy as a horse. Like his elder brother Hindricks he was more of a speedy combatant, being one of the younger boys that could hold up a good fight with his eldest brothers Lionus and Hyde. He had the lightest red hair of the boys and it almost looked pink in some lights making others joke him mercilessly. He learned to fight pretty quickly.

Though it didn't help him all that much, he was the noodleiest of the Arc boys.

He was eventually 'caught' by Lie Alfie, and the two of them went off on a grand tour of the wilds.

* * *

Labor 9: The Belt of Hippolyte

With Dio born Pyrrha was once again getting restless. Jaune, trying to actually be helpful for once and not bring about the Arc curse, suggested she try out for a tournament to blow off some steam.

Thinking on that a bit, Pyrrha quickly got out of her slump of parental duties and focused on training. Her eldest sons watched their mother train, even practicing some with a bit of her guidance or with the help of their father while Velvet handled the littler ones. They had been told stories from their mother that daddy could be just as much of a badass as she could so he managed to garner a lot of their attention in the time it took Pyrrha to get back into tournament ready condition.

She had intended for the tournament to be a small regional thing in Vale, just for fun and not serious as a treat to herself and something to show her eldest boys as they were getting old enough to at least appreciate their parents' fighting ability.

When word got out that Pyrrha FREAKIN' Nikos was entering a tournament, after almost a decade of being 'sidetracked' by pregnancies and parental responsibility, everyone and their grandmothers signed up wanting to see if the legendary champion still had it in her to take on whole teams at a time.

The tournament quickly turned into an exhibition match where just about anyone and everyone would get a once in a lifetime chance to challenge the legendary Pyrrha Nikos!

By the time everything was set up, as in babysitters Coco and Fox were arranged to watch the younger boys so Velvet could watch the older boys at the tournament grounds, and the rest of the insanity squad that was their friends from all over could join, the prize had been raised from a mere few hundred Lien to several hundred million. That wasn't even counting all the 'prizes' thrown in, people were literally willing to throw whatever they had to have a chance at the legendary Mystralian Champion.

Pyrrha was glad to have Jaune at her side down in the arena, she wasn't sure her skills were anywhere near what they once were and having him nearby never hurt her confidence. Plus, it was a great way to watch him fight, as he'd definitely improved in the years they'd been having kids. What could they say, parenthood brought out the best in them apparently.

When the bell rang for the exhibition rumble match to start, Jaune and Pyrrha had a literal army of wannabe champions gunning for them. The Arc-Nikos couple had simply smirked at one another and charged on ahead.

The hardest competition they got was from Cinder and her group. The fight coming down to a head-to-head match where if it weren't for the quick timing of Jaune's shield Pyrrha was worried she may have actually left her husband and kids for good. Exhibition match or not, those guys were fighting seriously, but they were no match for the Arkos duo.

With the _looooong_ match done, Pyrrha was presented a rather gaudy golden belt and a check for the ridiculous amount of money. Both her and Jaune agreed to take some and donate the rest as they hadn't intended for this to get **_THAT_** serious.

Linus, Hyde, Hindricks, and Wilbur couldn't help but say that watching that fight up close was the coolest thing to happen in their entire lives. Well, at least until they ended up having their own badass tournament fights later on down the line.

And of course there was much 'celebrating' after the fight and the Arc curse continued.

Their ninth son was a tall man with auburn hair named Hippote Arc. He was a brave tactician who fought justly for his home when war broke out.

He was eventually defeated by Jeremy Ironwood, long after the two of them managed to end the war.

* * *

Labor 10: Geryon's Cattle

After nearly a year of nothing 'eventful' happening after the big tournament, and probably having the easiest birth of all her sons with Hippote, Pyrrha was almost convinced she was finally having a break from the madness that had become her life. Of course, she knew better.

Only a few months after the young boy was born a war broke out between Mystral and Atlus. Having friends in both nations at the time, and being from Mystral herself, Pyrrha couldn't help but travel home with her husband to find out what the hell was going on!

Jaune and Pyrrha left their young sons in the capable hands of Team CFVY, meaning mostly Velvet and occasionally the other three would show up to watch the chaos that came with the Arc brood. The remnants of RWBY, SSSN and Nora and Ren would also show up, with their own spawn, and havoc would indeed be wrought (especially if Nora was left alone with the kids).

Weiss and Ruby were of course trying to figure out what the hell was going on in Atlus while Jaune and Pyrrha were handling Mystral. It came down to something as stupid as a land dispute between two farmers in the outskirts of the cities who'd agreed to some shipment of Atleasian T4R0S. apparently the state of the art mecha were _supposed_ to be brought over to help quell the growing Grimm population around Mystral, and while Atlus _swore_ they sent the shipment Mystral assured the Hunters no such shipment ever made it to them.

Groaning, the combined team of PJWR, were sent out to find out what the hell happened with these mecha, though who they were to be returned to was held up in the air until they found the damn things. So taking far longer than it should have to find the Atleasian T4R0S of course the two couples got a bit board along the road and of course the Arc curse continued.

Ruby couldn't help but giggle about how Pyrrha pregnant was like a godsend, as it got the Mystralian champion on a deadline to get things done. Completely unlike her wife-y Weiss when she was pregnant; who just gripped all the time and had Ruby do everything. Jaune just joked and honestly wished his wife would do that instead of go hunting monsters when she was at her most vulnerable.

The 'mothers' of the couples ignored their spouses and went about getting their job done.

They finally found the Atleasian T4R0S herd in what could only be described as 'the end of the world' as there were several volcanoes and a vast empty ocean. Why they were here the team honestly didn't care, deciding that for simplicity to just take them back to Mystral as it was closer.

They were attacked by a pack of Alpha Beowulves and an Orthus, a large two-headed dog-like Grimm. The poor things were foolish for even trying.

The trip back was easy enough, at the start. Being made of metal Pyrrha could simply pick any of the Atleasian T4R0S up and put them back on the right track if they strayed, but as her pregnancy advanced this became less and less of a viable option. Along the way they were attacked by various Grimm, and at one point one of the damn robot-cows charged off and got lost in another continent. Ruby chased after it faster than any of them could so they waited until she got back.

When she returned there was a new addition to their group, an adorable little golden red haired boy his parents ended up calling Geryon Arc. He was so cute and adorable Ruby wouldn't stop chatting about him the whole way back, even ignoring as the herd got scattered and she took care of little Geryon while his parents and Weiss got them back.

By the time they were done with their stupid fetch quest, Weiss' words, Ruby was begging her wife-y that they have another kid. Weiss could never say no to those big puppy eyes.

The couples returned to Mystral and threatened if they, or Atlus, pulled this kind of bullshit again they'd have the wrath of the Schnee and Arc-Nikos horde to deal with.

Geryon grew up to be a formidable warrior, but unlike the rest of his family he eventually moved to an outskirts town and became a farmer.

It's said he was eventually joined in his simple life by Bianca Schnee and they enjoyed (mostly) peaceful days taking care of cattle with their dogs.

* * *

Labor 11: The Apples of the Hesperides

After returning with Geryon from their long trek all across the lands over some stupid mechanical cows, Jaune and Pyrrha were happy to be home with their rowdy boys. Several of them had picked up a few characteristics and bad habits from those that took care of them, but the happy parents didn't quite care so long as they were safe. Velvet had probably been the most upset, worried when a month long journey had turned into nearly a year, and 'worse' they came back with another kid.

In the words of Yang, "CAN'T YOU GUYS JUST KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS ONE YEAR!"

They quickly shushed the boys that were old enough to ask, glaring at Aunty Yang for her loud mouth.

But considering they barely were back a few months before Pyrrha was pregnant again, they probably should have listened to her.

The Arc curse was indeed strong here.

It was several months into this pregnancy and the entire city of Vale was on pins and needles waiting for something to erupt that would either set off the ticking timebomb that was Pyrrha freakin' Arc-Nikos, or some grave catastrophe would show up at their doorstep that they'd need the legendary Huntress to deal with.

Strangely, nothing happened.

Well, nothing happened that affected Vale.

For the rampant pregnancies and battles seemed to have finally caught up to the great champion as she was strangely listless and tired most of the time, never seeming to be able to get enough energy.

Jaune, having dealt with his lovely wife through _TEN_ pregnancies prior, was downright worried. There were no apocalyptic Grimm invasions, no White Fang or Terrorist activity, no shenanigans missions they were being called in on, nothing. And instead of that being a _good_ thing, letting Pyrrha just have a normal pregnancy for once, it seemed to be having the exact _OPPOSITE_ effect on her.

Panicking, Jaune ended up calling his mother.

After hearing what was going on the Arc Matron demanded her baby boy pick up his sons and wife and head over to the Arc home immediately. Confused, and having no reason to deny his mother's request, Jaune did just that, packed up his boys and picked up his ailing wife and ran as fast as he could across town to his parents' place.

Once there he was met up by his seven sisters, who whisked away his sons to keep them occupied, as they like their father were worried about their mother's condition. Jaune was then confronted by his mother who had him take his wife somewhere to rest, where upon she explained the 'Arc curse' to her foolish son.

Arcs were 'potent' warriors, and with that had A LOT of Aura, and that Aura had to come from somewhere. Honestly she was surprised his wife lasted this long, the woman really was a champion! This kid would likely be their last and if something wasn't done soon she'd probably die in childbirth.

Lamenting his libido and boundless love for his wife, Jaune demanded what it was he could do to save her!

His mother kind of waffled a bit on the exact details, mentioning some legendary cure to help replenish one's Aura, but having no idea where it could be found.

Understanding what it was he had to find, Jaune set off on his journey to save his amazing wife! His first stop of course being at Sun, Yang and most importantly Blake's house. The black cat faunus was still the most knowledgeable of all their friends when it came to _ANYTHING_ , if it existed, she had a book for it, and if she didn't, it didn't exist.

Blake told him about a legendary fruit that was said to grant the eater immortal life, likely a lie and just meaning it enhanced their Aura or something. The oldest record of the fruit that she could find was in a story about one of Weiss' ancestors falling into a deep sleep and it somehow being involved in waking her up.

With this Jaune set off to find Weiss, and demand the mythic fruit!

He was allowed into Atlus only because he was friends with Weiss and Ruby, and the fact he sort of bulldozed one of their walls when they told him 'no'. In order to get _anywhere_ with the Schnees he had to sign a bunch of contracts, a lot of technical jargon he thought was ludicrous, but after finding a fight-clause loophole jumped on it. He had to fight Winter, Wiess' older sister and boy was she in the mood to kick some noodlely boy's ass. Apparently she was under the impression Jaune was a chauvinistic jerk that downgraded one of the strongest women in the world to being effectively barefoot and pregnant.

He laughed.

"There is nothing in this world I could force Pyrrha freakin' Nikos to do."

Jaune assured all those present he had no intention of having a swath of sons before he was thirty, but that's how his life had gone and he loved his wife for standing by him for it, just as he would stand by her during whatever crazy thing she decided was 'fun' to do in order to blow off steam. Apparently none of them realized it was her want for adventure and combat that had the crazy Mystralian off fighting hordes of Grimm while pregnant, and if their celebrating such victories passionately was wrong, then Monty almighty strike him down.

Suffice it to say he managed to sway the children of Atlus enough to learn what he wanted to know. Apparently the fruit in _their_ history was actually a deadly poison, but it was said on one side was poisoned while on the other was healing. This fruit was lost to time but there was rumor it showed up in several stories from Mystral, taking the form of golden apples.

With a groan, Jaune was off again, though this time Ruby and Weiss joined him, curious to see how this would play out and in no way feeling guilty about leaving their daughters in Winter's care.

Traveling to Mystral the trio had only one place to go; Pyrrha's mother.

Feeling a foreboding sense of dread, Jaune steeled himself as he knocked on his mother-in-law's simple door.

What greeted him were deadly piercing green eyes and he knew he was in trouble.

When the door opened further Jaune, Ruby and Weiss were greeted with not just Momma-Nikos, but what appeared to be every _other_ Nikos they'd ever heard of; cousins, aunts, great-aunts, even Pyrrha's grandmother, were all glaring at them and it suddenly dawned on them they'd entered the proverbial dragon's den.

Once inside Jaune steeled himself, terrified beyond all reason by his wife's family, but knowing he had to face this in order to save her life. He told the tale of what had transpired, from his mother to what Winter had told him and begged if they knew _anything_ about some hinky golden apples they tell him so he could do whatever was possible to save his beloved wife.

Various tasks were set before Jaune, namely fighting members of the Nikos family to prove his true worth.

His first match was against Kykas, Pyrrha's cousin, the daughter of her aunt Aris who apparently had the greatest temper. The fight lasted two days before Weiss got fed up and stopped it by freezing both of them demanding they move on to the next task as this was stupid!

Next was another cousin of Pyrrha's, Neras who had the semblance to transform into whatever she wanted. This fight was difficult for Jaune as she kept running away from him until Ruby got involved, catching the shapeshifter and holding her until she finally yielded.

Next was Pyrrha's second cousin, Antaea, whose grandmother was Neptuna, the elder sister of Pyrrha's grandmother. She was unbelievably strong and nearly crushed the blonde noodlely hero, until Weiss noticed she kept her feet squared on the ground and told the dolt to just toss her out of the ring. Once in the air Antaea proved a far easier target and Jaune managed to win the match pretty much on his own.

The final match was against Antaea's older sister, Bursea, who was **_ruthless_** in her desire to crush the jerk that had basically turned their glorious cousin into nothing more than a baby factory.

After hearing this claim Jaune was gob-smacked, shocked her own family would think so little of him. Insulted and hurt, he cranked up his fighting to the maximum. If they didn't want to believe in him that was fine, Pyrrha did! She married him and loved him for years, Arc curse or no, he loved her and the family they had and he'd fight all of hers and their crazy prowess as warriors to get whatever it was he needed to save her life!

The match ended with the two nearly killing each other, and as much as Momma-Nikos would have enjoyed the Arc boy getting a proper thrashing he had proved himself more than she thought he would. He was strong and endearing in his own way, so she told him where to find the golden apples of legend that would save her daughter.

But she warned that he was not the one that could get the apples on his own, he'd have to enlist the aid of Atlus to do that.

Confused he turned to his companions to see if they understood any of that.

Weiss just growled and pointed on the map where they needed to go and that she, someone from _Atlus,_ would get the damn things if he were too soft to do it himself.

Turned out there was a **_MASSIVE_** dragon grimm guarding the area. The three of them couldn't help but facepalm at the sheer ridiculousness that was getting involved in this damn quest.

So it was agreed, while Jaune and Ruby handled the dragon, Weiss would get the freakin' apples.

It was a close and glorious fight, with Weiss, after grabbing the apples, stabbing the damn thing in the eyes dealing the killing blow. With that done they rushed back to Vale hoping they weren't too late to save their beloved and friend's life.

By the time they got back Pyrrha was close to labor and her life was extremely weak. Jaune rushed to her side offering the apples. His mother called him an idiot and said she was too weak to eat herself, so without thinking or care Jaune bit into one, chewed it up and fed his wife mouth-to-mouth in a desperate hope of saving her life from his stupid family's curse.

The effect was instantaneous, Pyrrha's Aura levels skyrocketed and she seemed to glow with new life. Unfortunately, she also went into labor, so everyone but Jaune and the doctors were thrown out as for the next half-hour Jaune learned a new meaning of pain as his wife crushed his hand while giving birth to his final son.

Aurum Arc, the last son Jaune and Pyrrha had and appropriately named for his head of golden hair. He turned out to be the most like his father but with his mother's humbleness and prowess. Whether it was because of the fruit that saved his mother's life, or his own nature, Aurum had the largest Aura of all his siblings and ended up inheriting his father's sword and shield, Crocea Mors. He wound up turning into his own kind of legend, like his parents.

And like his father before him had to seek out the mythic golden apples, which had been returned by his mother after his birth, in order to save his own wife from the dreaded Arc Curse.

* * *

Labor 12: Cerberus

After suffering what could only be considered the longest decade of their lives, the Arkos couple took a long, long, loooooooong vacation.

With their sons they traveled around the world, seeing all four of the great cities, even some of the smaller outlying villages. Lionus, Hyde, Hindricks, Wilbur, Augustus, Avis, Minos, Dio, Hippote, Geryon, and Aurum learned from the travels with their parents. The eldest boys watching the youngest, telling tales of their own deeds and what they'd seen their parents do, while Pyrrha and Jaune relaxed with their kids and occasionally battling minor Grimm that were too stupid to stay away from the formidable couple.

The only real trouble they had was when a giant Cerberus, a three-headed dog-like Grimm decided it would try its might against the legendary humans. The poor thing met its swift end against the spear of a fully rejuvenated Pyrrha FREAKIN' Arc-Nikos who was eager to test herself after her last harrowing labor.

There was much celebrating but the couple assumed that the Arc Matron's words about them having no more children to be true and did not fret. They had their boys, they were all safe and all was fine with the world.

So of course they were surprised to return to Vale and Pyrrha turned out to be pregnant again. oddly, this time none of them knew as she hadn't felt nauseous the whole time they were traveling. The only reason they even knew she was pregnant was because she had a physical and she felt overweight again but that didn't make sense.

The doctor confirmed it and the couple just shrugged and went along with it. What was one more kid after all?

So they were awfully surprised when the baby this time had little complications; no apocalyptic happenings, no end of the world, no threats of anyone dying. The strangest thing that happened was while being born the child kicked the doctor so hard in the face he passed out.

Turns out it was a girl.

Pyrrha couldn't be more proud. The Nikos legend would live on!

Kerby Nikos would grow up to become the most legendary of their children yet. With the Aura of an Arc and the penchant for victory and warfare of a Nikos, the little strawberry blonde trampled the Regional Tournaments, participating in every one she could with a battle prowess not seen since her mother competed. She was strong enough to end wars with but her presence on the battlefield and the only person to truly stand toe to toe with her was her elder brother Aurum. Together they fended off a major catastrophe the likes of which the world had never known.

… but that was a story for another day.

* * *

With these labors complete Pyrrha Nikos faded into legend. Her trials of life were done, and thanks to a few surgeries her and Jaune _made sure_ they'd have no more kids. The rest of their legend lived on with their children, raising and training some of the greatest, and most notorious, Hunters and Huntress the world of Remnant would ever see, along with the equally legendary children of their friends and loved ones.

And when the twelve troublesome children finally left the house, their parents officially retired from saving the world, disappearing into the wilds to start a farm or something…

END!

* * *

 **A/N:** funny nuances:

Blake takes the place of Athena several times...

Pyrrha's mom is apparently Prometheus...

Zhou means club or mace in Chinese...

it is possible through the mystic power of SCIENCE! for Ruby and Weiss to have kids... though they'd only have daughters...

Pyrrha's entire family is all the people Hercules had to beat or kill to find those stupid apples... just genderbent as obviously the Nikos are only women! XD

two out of eleven boys are gay, amazing odds considering Remnant seems to be oozing Yuri/Yaoi...

all of her kids are named in someway after the monsters of the tasks... and wind up having the results of the tasks as their fates...

its statistically improbable all their sons would have red hair...

Pyrrha and Jaune are probably now immortal...

12 kids, 12 years, they're about 33-34 by the time they're done... WAY TO BREED KIDS! physically possible, i would not recommend it~

Number 12: AWESOME PARENTS!

Also Team PJWR - POWER! with this might the world shall tremble! XD

yes, this is the kind of insanity i like :D

Comments, questions, opposing views?

Till next -salute-waves- Sayounara, Mina!

-Ikasury


	8. This Will be the Day!

**A/N:** cause i had this idea with Wishy a while ago and finally got around to it...

Weiss, its your day! :D

ENJOY!

* * *

This will be the Day!

This was it, the day had finally come!

Weiss Schnee would finally have what was hers!

"Three years, three godforsaken maddening years," the white haired heiress mumbled to herself as she held her fists up pumped and ready for her final nemesis.

Weiss Schnee glared at the door to her team's dorm room and stood fast, she could do this. Just one more hurdle.

Opening the door, she spotted two of her teammates, exactly who she expected to find in fact. She had timed this perfectly knowing Blake would be in the library, taking care of her 'business', and with classes over that meant her target and her nemesis would be in the room likely doing something foolish. And if Weiss Schnee got cockblocked here because of something utterly stupid, like that dumbass cookie eating contest, there would be blood on these walls!

Luckily Yang and Ruby seemed to be entertaining themselves with some silly string thing. - _Good_ -

Icy eyes watched the blonde, opening the door wider and clearing her throat, making sure she was noticed by both of them, "Yang, can I talk to you outside." It wasn't a request and she made sure the blonde knew it.

Lilac and silver eyes rose, blinking at the white heiress momentarily then at each other confused.

"Uh, sure?" Yang just blinked, handing the silly string over to her sister and got up, dusting off her legs then sending the white heiress a cocky grin, "Something up snow angel?"

Icy eyes just glared momentarily before she stepped aside, gesturing out the door, "If you would…"

Puzzled, Ruby looked from her sister to her partner, "Weiss?"

The cool heiress' façade broke only for a moment, smirking at her partner, "Oh it's nothing Ruby," she looked at the back of Yang's head as the blonde passed her, smirk increasing, "Just some… debt collecting…"

"Huh?" Ruby was very confused, as far as she knew her sister would never borrow anything from Weiss. But her question was left unanswered, for now, as Weiss followed Yang out the door, leaving Ruby to her string.

* * *

"So what's up princess?" Yang took a few steps away before turning back with that cocky grin.

Weiss didn't answer immediately, closing their dorm door and casting a small glyph on the lock. Once the white seal of magic was in place and glowing firmly she turned back to her greatest nemesis with cold eyes, "Firstly, don't call me princess, snow angel, or any other derivative…"

"Uh, okay?" the taller girl's shoulders slumped slightly as a blonde brow rose.

"Secondly," this time Weiss actually held up two fingers, "You're going to leave."

"What?" now Yang was very confused.

Weiss just kept her cold stare, "You're going to leave Yang Xiao Long and you're not going to come back for," she waved her hand around, "I don't know, however long I feel like it, otherwise," now pointing at the busty blonde, "You're going to fight Melvin!"

"Who's Melvin?" very, very confused.

"My dragon," Weiss said very clearly and very seriously, "You remember, that Dragon Grimm we killed six months ago, that **_I_** delivered the final blow to?" she held out her hand a distinct glyph formed and in her palm a _tiny_ version of the vicious dragon they had fought six months ago appeared, roaring its tiny, tiny, tiny fury.

This had the expected result… of Yang pointing and busting out laughing.

Weiss just kept her cool, closing her hand with the _tiny_ dragon in it, eliminating the pocket summon, only to wave her hand behind her where a **_much larger_** glyph formed and in an instant a _MASSIVE_ white dragon Grimm appeared, filling the entire hall and its maw right in front of the blonde.

Yang wasn't laughing anymore, "Eep…"

"That's what I thought," the white heiress simply wiped her hands and let her dragon stare down her nemesis a moment, probably gloating a bit.

"Er… Weiss," Yang had her hands up, eyes sticking to the dragon and wondering what had gone on in her slightly crazy teammate's head, "Why are you threatening me with your… dragon… named," there was a snort as her voice squeaked, " _Melvin_?"

Melvin snorted brimstone at the blonde.

Weiss just continued glaring, "that's my third point Yang," she flicked her dress, "You're going to not only leave, you're going to give me your blessing…"

"My what?" again, blonde brow rose as the brawler momentarily looked away from the dragon. This was just getting all sorts of weird.

"Your blessing," Weiss reiterated flatly, "Because as of today, I'm dating Ruby."

There was a moment of silence as the two stared at each other.

Then Yang's eyes went red and fire erupted from her hair, "YOU'RE **_WHAT?!_** "

Weiss, unfazed, simply snapped her fingers and pointed at the blonde and Melvin quickly had the burning brawler caught under its mighty claw. There may have been some smirking from the pale girl, "I'm dating Ruby," oh yes, she was smirking, "As soon as we're done talking, I'm going to go into our room and do everything I can possibly think of to your sister…"

"YOU **_BITCH!_** " Yang snarled, really wishing she'd brought Ember Celica with her as it was taking everything thing she had just to push the damn dragon's claw up _slightly._

Weiss clicked her tongue, wiggling her finger back and forth, "Now, now, Yang, you owe me this…"

The fire dimmed slightly as the red eyed brawler forgot about the dragon for a moment and stared at the white clad woman, "I-what?"

"You. Owe. **_Me._** " Icy eyes glared at the blonde, so overpowering and intimidating Yang actually shrunk a little under it. Weiss just continued, "Three years. Three goddamn **_years_** I had to not only put up with the insanity that was **_YOUR_** deviant sexual behavior, but Blake's, and not just that, _who_ was it that had to take care of poor, sweet, innocent Ruby while you two did what you pleased in **_our_** room?"

Yang shrunk a bit further.

"That's right!" Weiss stepped forward and loomed over the blonde for once, " ** _I'm_** the one that had to deal with your adorably hyperactive younger sister, distracting her while you two, and sometimes Sun, would do lewd acts in our room. **_I'M_** the one that had to explain to her what was going on. **_I'M_** the one that had to deal with her and the trauma of seeing her sister with a fake cat dick strapped to her waist or when you three were in a pile, or the time with the clamps!" by this point she was pointing at the blonde and there was _definitely_ a bit of a psychotic look on her face, "I had to not only put up with her but _I couldn't **do ANYTHING**_ …" then she crouched down and glared right at Yang pinned under her dragon, " ** _You_**. **_Owe. Me._** "

"Eep…" was all Yang could say, for once in her life truly terrified of the Schnee heiress.

With her point made, Weiss stood up, wiped off her dress and walked back to their dorm door. She held the handle a moment, then turned back with a sinister smirk, "I hope we have an understanding… _sister_ …"

Yang's pupils shrunk as that word now haunted her…

Having won, Weiss continued smirking as she opened the door, "Hey Ruby, I want to show you something…"

From the inside Yang could hear her sweet, defenseless little sister ask, "oh really? What?"

Weiss turned around as she closed the door, slowly just to watch the look on Yang's face, "Oh… just something, it's under Blake's bed, let me get it…"

And the door shut, the glyph went off, a white line of light trailing the door, likely enhancing it or blocking sound or _something…_

All Yang knew was something horrible was going on behind that door… and in roundabout way it was all her fault.

With burning maternal fury, Yang's eyes flipped back to red, her hair burned and she started her epic battle with the dread dragon Melvin, " ** _RUUUUUUUUBBBBYYYYYY!_** "

* * *

" ** _RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!_** "

There was a mighty yell that encompassed the entire Beacon campus, as a massive fireball was thrown from the dorms only to be followed by a _GIANT_ white dragon Grimm.

For those that bothered to look, it was Yang Xiao Long in the epitome of her fury fighting the giant white flying lizard.

From his tower, Professor Ozpin's response was reportedly to just sit there watching as he sipped his coffee.

Most students fled on sight, not wanting to get involved with _ANYTHING_ that was even marginally linked with the infamous Team RWBY. The second and third years knew better, the first years had been warned, and the Teachers were taking bets.

With the third crash Blake finally decided to look out the window of the library to see what catastrophe was going on now. Her eyes sufficiently widened as she realized her girlfriend was fighting her teammate's greatest summon. She had honestly no words for what was going on in front of her.

Team JNPR happened to be in the library as well, joining the black cat Faunus at the same window and watching the epic brawl that was Yang trying to take on Melvin the mighty dragon.

"Huh, I guess it finally happened," Pyrrha was the first to speak.

"What?" Jaune was the one to say it but Blake was also staring at the Mystralian champion.

"ABOUT DAMN TIME!" Nora joined in, cheering as she pumped her fists. Ren sighing next to her, looking through his wallet for some spare lien.

Amber eyes looked from the three members of Team JNPR that seemed to know what was going on, "What am I missing here?"

Without even looking Pyrrha took her winnings from Ren and turned to her other friend, "Um, well," she scratched her cheek, not sure how to say this tactfully.

"WEISS IS FINALLY GETTING SOME, YEA!" thankfully they had Nora for that, as she was as blunt as her hammer. When the little ginger finally noticed the others were looking at her funny she came down to calm-er, "What?" they just continued staring, while Pyrrha just scratched the side of her head with a light sigh, "Oh c'mon! we all know the snow angel needs to take a damn chill pill," a snort for the unintended pun, "She's been holding _that_ ," Nora waved her hand out the window as Melvin flew by, "In for what, three years?"

Pyrrha crossed her arms, nodding, "I'm surprised she lasted this long…"

Ren just nodded, "Legality is a bitch."

The NPR of JNPR just nodded together sagely.

Blake looked at them, looked out the window as her girlfriend was getting smacked around by the dragon, and blinked. Then after a second of putting the pieces together a smirk rose and she tried futilely to cover it with her hand.

That happened to be the moment Yang got thrown through a window just a bit to the side, Melvin roaring victoriously.

" ** _YOU'RE DEAD MELVIN!_** " Yang roared as she shot up, everything around her in a 20-foot radius first charring and then simply crumbling to ash; her eyes bright red.

"Eh, it just skipped the burning stage. She must be hot under the collar," Nora put in, fanning herself with her hand. "That, and technically it already is," only to be shushed by Ren.

"Excuse me," Blake said flatly, heading over to her girlfriend to see if she could calm her down… or at the very least distract her from idiotically fighting the stupid dragon barehanded.

Nora snickered openly while Pyrrha and Ren tried valiantly to hide it.

Jaune just scratched the back of his head, confused as he looked at his team…

" ** _DAMNIT! BLAKE! NO!_** " only for JNPR to be distracted and turned to see the black cat trying, and failing, to calm the blazing inferno that was her girlfriend, " ** _SHE'S GOT 'THE BAG' AND IS USING IT ON MY INNOCENT BABY-SISTER AS WE SPEAK!"_**

There were several blushes and snickers to be had.

Jaune just rubbed the back of his neck, blushing, as he looked to his team, "I-I don't understand what's going on…"

Nora was openly snorting and Ren was looking anywhere but at him.

A gentle hand came down on the blonde boy's shoulder, as Pyrrha smiled, blushing a bit, at her boyfriend, "Jaune, what do you know about age laws?"

The boy was about to respond, only for there to be another infernal shout as Yang went back to fighting the dread dragon Melvin.

"YANG!" this time Blake following her.

Jaune just looked a bit spooked as the ground shook with a mighty roar, though from Yang or the dragon was anyone's guess, as he turned to his teammates and girlfriend, "Not a whole lot, but I get the feeling I should…"

JNPR all just smirked as the building shook again, it was going to be a long day.

* * *

 **A/N:** i have no idea why its named Melvin and for some reason the idea that Nora, Pyrrha, and Ren form NPR makes me really happy :D

also Wishstone helped put in a few parts~ fufu~

and as i put over in my AO3 account: Number 37: Stealth-shipper! XD

Till next -salute-waves- Sayounara, Mina!

-Ikasury


	9. The Inner Thoughts of Ruby Rose

**A/N:** cause there's always more for this crack!bonfire~

and yes, guest, yes... Weiss, love you babe, but you had no idea what you were getting into :D

ENJOY!

* * *

The inner thoughts of Ruby Rose

When she first met Weiss her thoughts were something like this:

- _Heaven just called, they're missing an angel…_ -

What came out of her mouth was something more like this:

"I'M-SORRY?!" as she slowly panicked and the rest of the scene played out accordingly, with the two of them blowing up.

As Weiss was leaving and Ruby's silver eyes watched her fluffy white skirt sashay away, her thoughts continued as thus:

- _Weird angry white girl, you just made an explosive impression… in my pants… which I'm not wearing any…_ -

With a sigh she looked down in defeat, and fell back into her crater.

* * *

When they met in the forest:

- _There **IS** a god, and he's on my side!_ -

Which effectively came out as some manner of long, "Yaaaaaaaaay!" when Weiss grabbed her by her cloak and dragged her off.

After their tumultuous fight with the Beowulves Ruby was too distracted, partly because people didn't _normally_ talk to her, at all, except for her sister, dad and uncle though he more grunted something drunk to her occasionally and pointed out things to kill. The other reason was her hands were sweaty and she was afraid to drop Crescent Rose.

- _First rule of Uncle Qrow's training, DON'T DROP YOUR SCYTHE_ … _second rule of Uncle Qrow's training, ESPECIALLY IF ITS BECAUSE OF SOMEONE SUSPICIOUSLY HOT DRESSED IN WHITE! Honestly never got that rule before, but now it makes sense!_ -

Whatever Weiss said she ended up practically screaming and turning around walking off into the forest frustrated.

 _-Third rule of Uncle Qrow's training, you will tap that! … PLEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSEEEEEE! TAP THAT!_ -

Ruby ended up making some groan of frustration and cut down a tree, there was nothing in Uncle Qrow's training that said be nice to the foliage.

* * *

Most of Ruby's interactions following their initiation were riddled with unspoken pick-up lines and longing gazes. Due to her semblance her brain had a tendency to work various times faster than a normal person's, this gave her the appearance of an ADHD crack child hyped up on about three tons of sugar, surprisingly this was actually _slower_ than Nora Valkyrie's brain, provided Nora stuck her finger in a light socket. So every time Ruby saw her partner she was already three pick-up lines and hitting on observations in before either girl got a single pleasantry out.

Thankfully she'd learned years ago from, oddly, her Uncle Qrow to keep her mouth shut. Yang was the punny one in the family, following their dad, and Ruby's brain was just too fast for anyone to process or her mouth to keep up with. So the easy answer was to just not say anything and keep her progressively lewd thoughts to herself. She was 15 for Monty's sake, with a drunk Uncle that liked to take her out into the woods to kill things. Did her dad or sister _SERIOUSLY_ think Uncle Qrow didn't blab to her about his sexual conquests or something? Those scraps were what fed her starving adolescent brain! And the violence!

Though she supposed she could see where the confusion came in. When her brain said something like:

- _Hey there snowflake, if I told you 'you have a sexy body', would you hold it against me?_ -

It came out of her mouth like this:

"WEEIIIISSS!" with added arm flailing for effect.

It got so bad that she _literally_ couldn't get the words out, even if she wanted to. Apparently all her years of 'keeping quiet' about her progressively perverted thoughts made it impossible for her to eloquently speak.

She tried to get help from her sister, who didn't help at all though that was probably because she opened the door and saw Blake and Sun run into their bathroom. She was a speedster, literally _nothing_ was too fast for her to catch. Yang was thankfully still sitting on Blake's bed, appearing dumbfounded and Ruby just stashed that information away for later and possible sisterly blackmail.

Unfortunately, it appeared her words were too jumbled to get out properly, even to her sister, who just blankly stared at her until giving her some of the weirdest advice she'd ever gotten, especially from Yang.

" _You are gayer than a double rainbow over San Franciso… go get your princess!_ "

To which her brain responded:

- _Like how you have a monkey and a cat trapped in our bathroom for some watersports later?_ -

But it only came out as a few very confused squeaks.

What followed was a failed attempt at interaction with her partner that equated to something like her flailing at the Schnee heiress at full speed, knocking her over, possibly groping but too fast for the heiress to notice, and then getting up, red as her cloak, squealing again and running off. From what she heard later Weiss walked in on the threesome that consisted of her sister, teammate, and sexy abs from Haven, and according to Nora much yelling was had.

When she saw Weiss again the heiress was angrily stomping by, her brain's first reaction was:

- _Hey there Snowflake, you have a problem, I'm sure the Red Death can snuff it out in a few short strokes!_ -

Only for Weiss to angrily grab her by her hood and drag her away, as her mouth finally got out a, "YAAAAAYYY!"

At least Weiss didn't seem angry at her for her crashing into her anymore.

* * *

Things got progressively more awkward after that impromptu strip contest, of course started because of Yang, like most things in Ruby's life.

While the others were arguing over who was the 'hottest' and 'sexiest' in the school and clothing got progressively less and less, Ruby's mind was going a mile a minute refuting their claims and stating her observations of the white clad girl next to her.

This didn't come out so much in words as her body just finally reacting and glomping the Schnee heiress while the others were distracted. Her thoughts were as follows:

- _Funny meeting you here, nothing says dangerous like a room full of people and my sister on the other side of this table, but for you, babe, I would walk through ice and fire just to see a glimpse of that perfect skin under this tight, frilly, skirt…_ -

They spent the next five minutes awkwardly staring at one another until Yang grabbed her hood and pulled her out from under the table, telling Ruby to stop being so clumsy.

"YYYYAAAAANNNNNNGGGG!" the sisters then proceeded to get into a fight that eventually brought down the cafeteria. They all got detention and had to put it back together as Professor Goodwitch and Professor Ozpin mysteriously disappeared for a bit.

- _Stupid adults…_ \- her brain complained as she zipped around putting bricks in their proper place.

* * *

The next few years got progressively worse.

As Yang and Blake weren't subtle, AT ALL, about their relationship, and Sun when he was around. Weiss and Ruby happened to walk in on them more than once. She also noticed Blake's porn collection got progressively larger and in reality she was the first to notice the faunus had a side business of providing porn for the _ENTIRE SCHOOL_ … not just their friends, _EVERYONE_ , teachers included.

Part of her liked that these 'intrusions' generally resulted in Weiss freaking out and dragging her off somewhere, far away, and generally secluded. If she weren't as smart as she was, Ruby could almost convince herself they were dates.

- _But dates aren't prompted by your sister having kinky sex with her girlfriend, boyfriend or both in your dorm room!_ -

Also Weiss was generally wound tight and seemed more and more inclined to yelling out random things and with Ruby's inability to get her _actual_ thoughts out, well, they had a number of amusing conversations. She could say that Weiss' rant about sex was probably the third best and second most informative she'd ever had, her Uncle Qrow's was funnier and Blake's was better in both departments. The faunus had _LITERAL_ walls on the subject, and in various, and gruesome, levels of detail.

Blake knew her product, and she knew it well.

Either way that didn't help Ruby _at ALL_ when dealing with Weiss, as all the extra time with her meant a mile-long back-up of pick-up lines and fantasies about the white-clad girl that there honestly was not enough journals in the world to fill by the time they were done with whatever today's excursion was.

Combine that with Ruby's growing depression that her partner would never _see_ her in a romantic, or at least sexual, light started to really wear on the poor girl.

She honestly got to the point that she needed a moment away from her Team, as they were all in some way related to her problems: Yang being _Yang_ , Blake's infinite wealth of porn, and Weiss… being perfect. So she did the only sensible thing she could do, she went across the hall to seek her fellow leader's advice.

What she found was Nora, Ren and Pyrrha, because apparently Jaune was in detention for being behind on some paper and Oobleck was forcing him to write out five more.

For once Ruby's mouth and brain agreed, "I will take whatever I can get at this point…"

She was whisked away into the confines of NPR and learned some very interesting things about age laws that encouraged her a lot more than anything to do with Blake's books. Apparently, as the team closest to the cacophony of crazy that was Team RWBY, Team JNPR got front row seats to the madness, surprising immunity to it, and allowed them to 'watch' from a relative safe distance.

Pyrrha was the one to suggest Weiss probably had no idea about same-sex relationships as the Schnees were a **_very_** sheltered and traditional sort, also something about magic science and cloning but she got pushed aside by Nora when Ruby asked for more on that. Nora suggested that Weiss was stupid and blind, so weirded out by Yang's shenanigans that her brain couldn't process what was right in front of her and thus needed time to properly adjust. Ren gave the simplest advice:

"The day you turn 18, is the day Weiss Schnee will jump your bones…"

There was just something weird about Ren saying that all sagely with a cup of tea to his lips and the others nodding in agreement, but it gave her the most hope.

Pyrrha just laughed, saying it'd take at least a week afterwards to really happen. They made absolutely no attempt to hide the fact they were betting on when she'd get her snow princess.

Ruby didn't honestly care; this gave her a deadline for fixing this stupid talking issue.

* * *

So the day of Ruby's 18th birthday came and went and she got increasingly frustrated as nothing happened. Yang seemed happy for some reason, and Blake thankfully gave her more delivery jobs for her business to distract her. Weiss had been unusually quiet, calm and reserved, as if absolutely _nothing_ changed because of her birthday. At least Blake was treating her like an adult now, giving her one of her private ultra-porn books and made sure to add that Yang was not to know that came from her in _any_ way.

She was bored watching as Yang messed around with a piece of string, her thoughts immediately going to those books Blake had about certain kinds of knots and the best ways to apply them to her partner. Mercifully the door opened and Weiss looked about ready to crush someone's hopes and dreams.

- _Yes mistress! Please!_ \- were her immediate thoughts, along with her mentally deciding Weiss was not made to wear black, if such a thing ever occurred, she'd need white leather and lots of it!

Instead her partner seemed to call out her sister and give her some odd assurances with possibly the most psychotic smirk Ruby had ever seen on the older woman.

- _Hot…_ \- to which her mouth fully agreed once the Schnee heiress closed the door. Weiss confident and ready to kill was definitely in her top 10 expressions on the cold heiress.

She quickly lost interest in the string when something obviously was going on outside their dorm room door. When Weiss came back in she was practically gloating, her look even more vicious and triumphant and Ruby couldn't see anything on the other side of the door as Weiss turned around to close it, mentioning something about something she wanted to show her… that was under Blake's bed…

- _There's only two things under Blake's bed, her personal stash of ultra-porn and 'the bag'… YES!_ \- her mind squealed as her expression got very dazed and red.

When Weiss moved confidently to Blake's bed, bending down to shamelessly give Ruby a view of her backside and skirt, her mind continued in triumph. - ** _YES!_** -

There was some thunderous explosion outside, muffled by Weiss' glyph and Ruby barely noticed or cared as Weiss started pulling out 'the bag' and her brain seemed to finally click.

"Is it hot in here, or is that just you Princess…"

When Weiss' brain finally registered what just came out of Ruby's mouth she didn't believe it.

"I've seen a lot of things fall my way, but certainly never an angel before…"

Weiss dropped the strap for the bag and slowly turned around.

"You've got some pretty eyes, I wonder what they'd look like closed and underneath me…"

The Schnee heiress stood up straight, twitched slightly and stared at her partner.

Ruby's grin just seemed to spread as she stood up too, smiling down at Weiss and so happy she gained a few inches since they met. "You're looking a little pink there Weiss, I think you need a little more red on you…"

There was some manner of squeak from the white toned girl as Ruby leaned in a bit closer… and she could just FEEL her face get redder!

"… or maybe it's from all the running around you've been doing in my mind, but don't worry, I know the perfect warm-ups to keep you nice and _limber_ …"

Weiss' brain was officially shutting down.

Ruby actually had to reach out and grab her partner around the waist, to prevent her from falling, but that suited her just fine, "Already feeling weak in the knees? Don't worry, by the end of tonight, I'll make you _tremble_ …"

Weiss was now shaking as she latched onto the only stable thing in the room, Ruby, "What-the-hell…" she had plans, marvelous, glorious plans! And not one of them involved Ruby turning around and spouting a ton of pickup lines at her that she was ashamed to say were _working_!

The little speedster just grinned widely, "Oh, I've got a really simple way of answering that Snowflake, but I don't know if you're going to like it…"

"Ruby," Weiss growled and she fisted the _slightly_ taller girl's red cloak.

Only to be completely thrown off as Ruby charged on ahead and kissed the living daylights out of her.

When Ruby pulled back, with the cockiest smirk that would put her sister's to shame, "… or absolutely love it!"

Weiss' only proper response was to shake with all her pent up energy as her brain tried to reboot and register what the fuck was going on!

Ruby did not seem disturbed at all, simply pushing her forehead to Weiss', "Already vibrating, guess I didn't need to get the batteries…"

"Just… Shut… Up!" was as good as Weiss could get as she used the remained of her sense to throw Ruby on her bed, following by straddling her.

Of course that cocky grin did not leave the red reaper, "Well there are plenty of other ways I can use my mouth," with a quick maneuver she had them flipped, causing Weiss to squeak, "And I plan on introducing you to every single one."

There was some intangible squeal from the ice queen as she grabbed Ruby's head and pulled her in for hard, _hot_ kiss, pulling back just to growl at her, "Damnit, I'm the one that's supposed to be seducing you, dolt!"

"But Weiss!" Ruby cheerily squealed in that way that made her partner tremble, "I'm the one that's spent the last few years working for Blake and reading her literal library's worth of porn!" she nuzzled closer, licking her lips, "I've got a _lot_ to show you…"

"Eep…" icy eyes constricted, not sure how to properly process any of what was just told to her.

"Good," Ruby tapped her nose adorably before getting up, pulling out 'the bag' like an expert, and thanks to her speed had everything out and ready to go, including a certain devious strap-on as she loomed over her prey, "Because I plan on having you against that wall," she pointed behind Weiss, "This bed," pointing to the one the white clad girl was on, "that desk," she pointed, at Yang's desk, "Then the counter in the bathroom," the door behind her, "and finally in the shower…"

Weiss just stared up at Ruby, twitched for a second as something in _her_ brain finally clicked, "Fine," she grabbed the sides of her dress and pulled, not caring about the buttons or ripping it, she had more in the closet, and the look on Ruby's face was totally worth it, "So long as you're next!"

"YES!" was the last coherent thing either said for a while.

* * *

Sometime later, when the dread dragon Melvin disappeared for 'some reason', Yang rushed to her team's dorm room intent to save her innocent baby sister from whatever horror Weiss was enacting on her with their stuff!

Blake followed because she knew this was going to end badly.

JNPR just watched from down the hall, a relatively 'safe' distance, and expecting fireworks.

When Yang made her way to the door Blake was thankfully able to stop her from breaking it. Quickly reasoning that if Melvin disappeared, then the 'lock' Weiss had put on the door would be gone too, maybe. Yang, still red eyed and on fire, grabbed the handle, maybe crushing it a little, and threw open the door.

What the blonde brawler did **_NOT_** expect to find was her 'innocent, baby-sister' hip deep with a strap-on in an ice queen that was so _thawed_ out she couldn't even register they were there, let alone keep up her glyphs.

Ruby though was perfectly aware, and for a striking second looked at the door with shock, blinked, and said the first thing that came to mind, "I can explain."

Yang promptly fainted.

Blake luckily was there to catch her. Her amber eyes were wide but quickly checked the room for anything essential missing. There was a bottle of lube and toy-cleaner on the table, everything seemed to be set out in proper order, and they hadn't even made it to the handcuffs yet. The black cat faunus gave her protégé an approving thumbs up and quickly exited the room, locking it like normal.

Yang made some incoherent noise as Blake dragged her down the hall, finding Team JNPR with questioning looks. The black cat faunus merely gave them a shrug before addressing Pyrrha, "Where's your jet?"

The Mystralian champion just smirked, "In Vale, have fun!" she waved as the B and Y of RWBY left.

Jaune just blinked as the two passed, turning to his girlfriend, "What?"

"Yang's going to need a distraction," the redhead sighed, pulling out her winnings from Ren and handed it over to Nora.

"HA!" the hyper ginger pointed, snatching her cash and whooping, "Told you!"

Jaune decided he just really didn't want to know.

* * *

 **A/N:** Ruby truly learned from the best, her drunk uncle and her sister XD

i dunno why, but i can just totally see Ruby slinging pickup lines in her head all day and night, Yang got the bad Puns, Sun got the good sexy lines, Pyrrha got a jet and gets to win, Weiss got psychotic terror, and Blake got porn, so Ruby got the pickup lines XD and i imagine that between 15-18 she'd get AT LEAST 2 inches, which would be enough to beat Weiss, and she'd lord over her partner like nothing else XD

-wipes hands- that should suffice for some whiterose here~ :D

and since i don't have a direct one here, time to make up reasons for why Pyrrha is awesome and shouldn't be dead thing-joke: Number 56: donates to kitties :D

Till next -salute-waves- Sayounara, Mina!

-Ikasury


	10. Sugar Rush

**A/N:** because there's always something to throw on this fire~

just a bit of demented humor that's developed from the apparent universe Conflagration now has XD

ENJOY!

* * *

Sugar Rush

Cookie eating contests were something common amongst Team RWBY. So much so, Blake knew when they were coming, like rain, and quickly got out of the room to avoid her girlfriend trying to drag her into it, or Referee, which happened more often than not. For Weiss, she always walked in during the final round when Yang faceplanted from a diabetic coma and Ruby was hopped up on sugar… for about five minutes until she too went down face first into the heiress' bed, since the red speedster couldn't coordinate getting into her own bed by that point. The results were almost always the same, Yang losing after a fraction of the cookies her sister could consume at lightning speed and the two of them conked out for the next day and a half.

So with this past experience guiding them, it was no wonder the monochrome duo of Team RWBY were nowhere to be found when the sisters thought to pull another cookie eating fiasco.

Ruby pouted because she already had a bag of cookies in her hands and Yang said they weren't starting till they had someone else, as a witness or referee, one of the which. So the two were wandering around Beacon's sidewalks looking for at least ONE of their friends to help them out. Ruby just wanted her cookies and Yang wanted someone to make sure they got back to their room.

"Oh, hey! Its Pyrrha!" Ruby perked up when she saw the red-haired champion sitting on a bench inspecting her weapons for some reason. "PYRRHA!" being Ruby, this meant the little red hood girl zoomed out of reach before her sister could conceivably say or do anything and launched herself at the tall Mystralian.

Pyrrha was probably the only person in the world that didn't get knocked over when Ruby employed her Glomp!attack variation of greeting. Pyrrha just moved slightly over at the impact of a mile-a-minute-teen before looking down to see Ruby smiling up at her, "Hello, Ruby!"

"Hehe! Hey Pyrrha!" Ruby squealed.

"S'up Red," Yang gave a lazy salute to their friend as walked over with a cocky smile, "You wouldn't happen to be doing anything right now?" lilac eyes noticed the weapons that had been moved slightly thanks to Ruby's impact, "Er, important?"

Emerald eyes glanced from the busty blonde to her shield and sword before giving a sheepish grin, "No, not really," she set them aside, scooting over slightly so Ruby had more room on the bench to sit properly if she so chose, "It was just a nice day and after practice its nice to do maintenance outside…"

Yang gave the champion a sour look, but Ruby was the one to pout and squeal, "But it's the WEEKEND!"

Pyrrha just gave a hesitant chuckle, scratching her cheek, "Well…" she knew the others weren't used to her form of training regimen. In Mystral there was no such thing as a 'weekend', at least not by other's standards. - _if anything I work harder on the weekend… more freetime that can be used to focus on training instead of school work…_ \- but she knew such logic wouldn't work with these two, or really anyone else at Beacon. She could get away with it with Jaune since _she_ was in charge of their training schedule but that was an entirely different matter.

Glancing from the pout on Ruby and the sour look on Yang's face, Pyrrha knew this wasn't a situation for logic, "So, what were you two up to?" she hoped it was something simple and wouldn't result in a lot of collateral damage, as fun as it was to watch with her Team she knew it wasn't good… technically.

A huge grin spread across Yang's face as she pumped her fist, "Oh us?!" for some reason the brawler's eyes were on fire, "Why were just about to take part in a legendary competition!" swiftly Yang posed, pointing dramatically at the redhead, "In fact! I bet you'd be _PERFECT!_ To join us!" the blonde leaned in, holding one hand up to her lips as if telling a secret though she didn't whisper very well, "Why, I'm sure between the two of us we can beat the reigning champion~"

Whether Yang did it on purpose or not is up for debate, but the blonde brawler definitely used all the right words to pique Pyrrha's interest. Normally she was considered the mild-mannered one in their group of chaos and shenanigans, in fact her inputs were generally simple and mild, but tended to have a big impact despite this. But if there was ONE thing that proved Pyrrha was a member of the cacophony of anarchy that was Teams RWBY and JNPR it was her _EXTREMELY_ competitive nature.

Pyrrha Freakin' Nikos won. It was a law of the universe. If there was a competition to be had and she was competing, there was no force on the planet that could stop her from winning!

… also she was a terrible loser. She WON! One way or another!

It was also one of the reasons Yang liked to push her whenever possible. Pyrrha in competitive mode put her on the same level of crazy as the rest of them. Plus Yang was one of those people that liked a challenge, even an insurmountable one, and she swore the day she realized Pyrrha was as crazy as the rest of them, she would beat the Mystralian champion in SOMETHING! Come hell or the end of the world, one day, Yang Xiao Long would beat Pyrrha Freakin' Nikos!

A cookie eating contest seemed like a perfect opportunity, the blonde wouldn't honestly remember the last time she saw the health-nut eat anything with more sugar in it than a piece of fruit.

Plus she knew she had her when those emerald eyes narrowed and that red brow rose, no one needed to hear the following question, "What kind of competition?"

"COOKIE EATING CONTEST!" Ruby suddenly made herself known again, now holding two bags of cookies neither older girl knew where she got them.

Still leaning near the Mystralian, Yang just gave her archrival a wickedly cocky grin, "You think you can keep up, P-Money? Ruby's been winning these since she was a toddler, and I've got experience keeping up with her and beating all other competition!" sure, the only other competition they ever had was the few times Uncle Qrow humored the girls, passing out quickly as his Blood Alcohol Content was compromised by the rush of sugar, and that one time with Zwei, but that one had to be aborted since chocolate and puppies don't mix.

A momentary look of shock passed Pyrrha's face but she quickly schooled her features. This was just like any other competition! Not that it made her face seem any less pale at the thought of… all those useless calories.

- _NO! I can do this!_ \- Pyrrha shook her head, pumping one fist, getting into competitive mode. With a firm nod, narrow emerald eyes looked at Ruby, "I accept your challenge."

Yang whooped, "Alright! P-Money is in!" she zipped over to her sister, arm over her shoulders and waved the other out as if displaying a vast setting, "It's a gastronomical battle of the ages! The reigning champ, Rubles the Iron Stomach! Against the Up-and-Coming Competitor P-Money! With the veteran of a thousand confectionary battles, ME! There to round out the score board!" pumping her free hand and squeezing her baby sister into her breasts, Yang couldn't help the vibrant grin on her face, "This is gonna be EPIC!"

Ruby, while pushing herself out of her sister's deadly cleavage, looked at their friend with a bit of concern. Sure, Yang was into this, her big sister went along with any of her odd requests, and normally they only invited others to be a referee or DD to make sure they made it to their beds to crash from the sugar high. _Inviting_ someone to join their competition, as silly as it was, didn't _normally_ happen. And Ruby wasn't _nearly_ as unobservant as her sister may have thought. She _knew_ Yang had some ulterior motive here, but worse she **_knew_** Pyrrha didn't eat junk food. As sacrilegious as it was to Ruby and Yang, the leader of Team RWBY knew her friend didn't do so without reason.

So she **_had_** to ask the crucial question, "Pyrrha, have you ever eaten cookies before?"

The suddenly stricken look that came of the Mystralian said it all, "Er, well…" the way she seemed to twitch at the thought said it all.

Ruby and Yang just stared.

Sure, they knew she ate healthy, but they didn't think she'd NEVER had sweets, that was impossible…

"Like ever?" Yang had to ask. Hey, she wasn't a _complete_ monster! She could care about her competition she intended to beat into a diabetic coma!

Pyrrha just scratched the back of her head nervously, "No… not… really…"

Ruby's jaw just dropped, "WHO WOULD DO SUCH A HORRIBLE THING TO YOU!" immediately she zipped over to her significantly taller friend, grabbed her hand and dragged her towards a place they could properly eat a mountain of cookies! "I WILL FIX THIS!"

And with that declaration Pyrrha Nikos was dragged off by the young speedster to learn what sugar was.

Yang could almost already taste her victory and it was sweet!

* * *

One hour later…

Weiss dropped her bags as she and Blake walked off the bullhead that had just taken them back to Beacon from Vale.

There were at least three person-sized holes in the school, two floors were on fire, and they could hear gunfire not far off.

… also Yang, Sun, Ruby and Jaune were unconscious in a pile near them with Nora fanning them and Ren standing nearby.

"ONE HOUR!" the Schnee heiress stormed over to the pile of collateral damage that were her teammates, leader of Team JNPR and she honestly had no idea Sun was in town. Foot tapping, brow twitching, and fists angrily on her waist, icy eyes glared at the unconscious quartet, "ONE FREAKIN' HOUR! I'M GONE AND THIS!" she waved her hand towards Beacon, where gunfire, maniacal laughter, and screams were heard, "IS WHAT HAPPENS!"

"Ehehehe," Nora nervously scratched her cheek watching Weiss fume, "She does realize they're unconscious and can't respond, right?"

"Just let her get it out," Blake spoke flatly, seemingly appearing next to the N and R of JNPR.

Several more bits of swearing and cursing linages was had before Weiss Schnee calmed enough to glare at the conscious members of the collective RWBYJNPR crew, "What did **_they_** ," she adamantly pointed at Yang and Ruby who were drooling unconscious, " ** _DO?!_** " more eye twitching may have been involved.

Nora snorted, "Well, ya see, P-Money Lite," more twitching from the white heiress, "Renny and I were studying in our room, like normal, cuz we have all this SUPER amount of work to do…"

"You forgot you had detention again and Professor Oobleck wanted three papers done to replace the work required," Ren lightly corrected behind his partner.

"… and while getting all that done, I was like 'Hey, Ren! Since the others are out, wanna have a pillow fight!' and he was all super-serious with the face and like 'No. you must work. Rawr!'," Nora even put up her hands like bear claws to emphasize the growl.

"You were falling asleep," Ren quietly corrected.

Blake, still next to the two just raised a brow.

Weiss of course growled, having enough with Ruby on a normal day, not to mention whatever shenanigans was _THIS_ , and did **_NOT_** have the patience for _Nora_ , "What. Happened."

With a bright grin Nora was about to go into another _terrific_ story, but Ren put his hand on her shoulder and shook his head when she looked. Nora just pouted, "Oh fine!" the little grenadier just crossed her arms, "We heard the first shots fired, got down here to see Yang and Sun knocked out while Ruby and Pyrrha started to get into a fight…"

"Jaune said it was a 'spar' to see who really won the cookie eating contest," Ren said flatly, before looking down at their poor leader that was lying face down, likely in a pool of his own blood.

The other members of RWBY looked down to the collective group as well, grimacing.

"What the heck happened?" Weiss blinked, having cooled down enough to fully register the strangeness of this situation, "Yang and Ruby I understand, both of them drop like a light after one of their cookie eating fiascos, but Sun? Jaune?" the area around them shook and part of Beacon crumbled behind them as more screams were had, "WHATEVER THE HELL **_THAT_** IS?!"

"Oh, that?" Nora just snorted, waving her hand, "That's Pyrrha."

"What?" Both Blake and Weiss just stared at the mini-smasher.

"Oh, did I forget to mention that part?" the orange haired girl giggled to herself, "Yea, apparently Pyrrha's NEVER had sugar before, and she just ate like, a _literal_ ton of it, so she _maaaaaaaaaaay_ have gone a bit loopy," Nora's hands were out like scales, waving up and down as the little Valkyrie wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing, just knowing it was funny as hell, "Initially Ruby was keeping her contained but her metabolism caught up quicker so she crashed, **_HARD_** , into the pavement, and when Jaune went to go check her he got body slammed by Pyrrha into a bush, we don't really know what happened in there just that P-Money went zipping out towards Beacon a few seconds later, and gunfire and screams were heard. We found him out cold with a nosebleed…"

If anything Weiss' eye was twitching even more as she glared at the trio that they'd been told about.

Blake decided to ask the obvious, "Why is Sun here?"

"Oh that," Nora waved her hand like it was no big deal, "He showed up at the tail end of the competition, apparently wanting to surprise you guys, but got involved with the cookie eating contest." Now Nora openly snickered, "Apparently even he CAN **_NOT_** keep up with those three's sugary appetite… he went down after a handful of cookies…"

Amber eyes went wide as Blake felt sorry for the boy.

"Feh," Weiss just crossed her arms and rolled her eyes, "Knowing those two they got the most diabetes-inducing cookies, so chalk full of sugar in each one to kill a bull elephant," icy eyes looked down narrowly at the monkey faunus in something that _may_ have been construed as concern, if she weren't Weiss Schnee, "I'm surprised he's not dead yet…"

Blake growled, glaring at her teammate before crouching to check both her boyfriend and girlfriend were still alive, along with the other two, as they were important too.

"Soooo…" at this point Nora was tapping the tips of her fingertips together and looking everywhere but at Weiss, which promptly got her a small pinch from Ren, "Ow!" blue-green eyes narrowed on the boy, as she could never fully glare at him, only to dramatically sigh, "fffffffiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnneeeee!"

A white brow rose on the heiress as she watched the display. She adamantly refused to say anything about it just yet.

Putting her fists on her hips and looking Weiss square in the eye, Nora did what was necessary, "Okay, P-Money Lite!" a small smirk may have risen on the Valkyrie as the white girl cringed, "We need you to get over there and stop P-Money original!" swiftly she pointed over her shoulder at the ensuing chaos that was Beacon being slowly dismantled by someone on a deranged sugar high, along with beating up all the other students and possibly the teachers.

White brow rose in disbelief, "What?"

Nora took the two steps required to stand in front of Weiss, and pat her on both shoulders, "Weiss Schnee, you are Beacon's only hope!"

Weiss continued to stare at the normally hyper-girl in disbelief.

Then Nora pulled her into a bone-crushing hug and all Weiss could do was uselessly twitch her fingers as the hammer-manic continued, "Next to Pyrrha you're the next best person in our class! You're the only person that could possible stand a chance against her!" forcefully pushing the Schnee girl out at arm's length again, a teary eyed Nora looked at her, "We need you Weiss Schnee! We need you to take on your greatest rival!" then with an entirely unnecessary flair, she pulled Weiss into a crushing one-armed hug, and pointed to the heavens while facing the destruction of Beacon, "FOR THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!"

"Wha-?" was all Weiss could get out, between the bone-crushign and twitching, before she was forcefully kicked in the direction of explosions, screaming and gunfire. She made it about five feet before realizing she was being sent on a suicide mission, "OH SCREW YOU GUYS!" she _delicately_ flipped the three conscious individuals off with both hands before stomping towards the chaos that was apparently Pyrrha on a sugar high.

Nora cheerily wiped her hands, not feeling guilty in the slightest.

"You're mean," Blake said, crouching over her boyfriend while holding his wrist, checking his pulse against the clock on her scroll. Yet despite her words there was an unmistakable smirk on her face.

"She knows it," Ren said flatly, though it _did_ look like he was smirking, _slightly_.

"Oh she'll be fine~" Nora turned to the two ninja of Teams RWBY and JNPR, "Pyrrha's about to crash anyway, I just figured it'd be better if someone caught her…"

"That wasn't us?" Ren raised a skeptical brow.

Nora wiped her hands again, "Yep, that wasn't us!"

"You're so mean," despite her words, Blake couldn't help the smirk. The second Weiss figured out she was being used as a DD, and NOT for Ruby, well… they'd know.

Speaking of, a few seconds later the chaos turned oddly silent…

Only to be followed by the most unladylike thing ever shouted by Weiss Schnee that all of Beacon heard.

" ** _OH FUCK YOU GUYS!_** _"_

Follow presumably by a two hundred pound, six foot tall Mystrallian collapsing on a 5' 3" (in heels) hundred and twenty pounds wet Atlesian heiress.

How the following scream didn't wake Pyrrha up or cause her to go deaf was anyone's guess…

* * *

 **A/N:** i have a terrible sense of humor :P love you Weiss~

for some reason i find Weiss' tiny-ness hilarious, and just the idea of REALLY comparing her physical stature to that of Pyrrha's (which ticks off all the points of a classic Homeric Hero) is just hysterical... Pyrrha has to weigh 200lbs on her own if she's as physically dominating as she is, plus that HEIGHT! then add in her armor? she's the ONLY person that wears FULL-ARMOR here... that's got to be like 250lbs at least falling on maybe a hundred pounds of tiny ice mage... just think about it... and laugh XD

and Nora can be such a dick XD

number 72: encourages others to eat healthy! :D

Till next -salute-waves- Sayounara, Mina!

-Ikasury


	11. What are Friends for?

**A/N:** burn my lovely, buuuuuurn~ muhahahaha!

more WeissxPyrrha Friend-shipping, because its really funny to me and they make interesting friends apparently XD i'm gonna start calling this Icebrand like the ice sword from Final Fantasy series, ice, sword, persistent, works~

ENJOT!

* * *

What are friends for?

 _"You know, I had plans to murder you in such a way no one would ever find the body…"_

 _"Ha… so did I…"_

Those were the first truly honest things Weiss Schnee and Pyrrha Nikos ever said to each other. Sure, they'd been 'friends', like with any other member of their combined group of RWBYJNPR-chaos, but when it was just _them_ there had always been a sort of underlying animosity or aggression.

"God, you are just so GODDAMN **_PERFECT!"_**

"Really? That's what I always thought about you…"

It was ironic, since both really had the most in common with one another than with the rest of those on their teams. Both were famous, had some talent their parents exploited, and knew the oppressive life that fame bought them.

"I mean really! _REALLY!_ It's not enough that you're PYRRHA-FREAKIN'-NIKOS! Mystralian champion! Adored by thousands, NO! you have to be the best in really EVERYTHING!"

"Not everything…"

"Really? Please, almighty one, tell me what Pyrrha-freakin'-Nikos fails at?"

"Romance… apparently."

Not to mention the loneliness.

At the downtrodden tone from the champion, Weiss slowly turned to stare at the redhead.

Pyrrha just sighed in probably the most pathetic, if still strangely adorable, way.

Icy eyes just blinked, "I do not believe you," the white haired girl waved her hands in front of her, "In fact I _can't_ believe you!" she threw her hands up, "You're _Pyrrha-_ _ **freakin'**_ _-Nikos!_ HOW can you fail at romance?!" then grumbled under her breath, "Not to mention _anything_ …"

There was a nervous chuckle from the 'Invincible Girl' as a very unconfident look passed her face, "Very easily… apparently."

Icy blue Schnee eyes bore into the exquisite beauty next to her, "How?!" she waved her hand referencing all of Pyrrha, "Seriously, _HOW?!_ The guy would have to be deaf, mute, and blind with 3rd degree burns covering his entire body and the inability to process memories to not realize _this_ is as close to the perfect Huntress frame as us mere mortals can get!"

All the roundabout praise just made Pyrrha more nervous as she scratched the side of her cheek uncomfortably, "Not… really…"

Weiss sat back in a huff, crossing her arms and glaring at the tall athletically built woman, "Seriously, how?" without uncrossing her arms, the hand nearest Pyrrha waved at her again as the heiress looked away, "You're an incomparable Huntress, unmatched in the arena, flawless skin, cute face, tall, well-'filled out'," she hadn't realized she'd made handgestures until those icy blues glanced over and noticed the champion was blushing and looking like an embarrassed little girl. "Really." Weiss' flat words were accompanied by an equally flat look, " _How_ can someone so obviously capable and menacing look so meek and adorable at a simple compliment?"

"Sorry?" a nervous laugh accompanied the nervous head scratch as the redhead sat on her knees, "Despite all my time with media, I've never really learned to take an honest complement."

Weiss stared at her for a _long_ moment, "Are you for real?"

"Hm?" bright green eyes blinked as Pyrrha looked up confused.

Those icy blue eyes just stared harder as Weiss let slip, "How can someone so perfectly _adorable –_ no, _Sweet_ , Ruby's adorable- and genuinely honest be unable to catch anyone's attention?!" she threw her hands up in the air, not noticing her correction even if Pyrrha did, "People should be lining the walls trying to get a date with you!"

"Eheh…" Pyrrha let the adorable comment drop, for now, as her nervous look became a bit depressed, "I'm sure you know how it feels… Weiss… fame just… makes you unattainable…"

"Pfft," the heiress obliviously waved her hand, dismissing the comment, "Tell that to that leader of yours," she gripped a fist in front of her and glared ahead, "I swear, what does it _TAKE_ for that moron to take a hint _I'M-NOT-INTERESTED!_ " there were blue fires in Weiss Schnee's eyes!

"Heh…" the champion's shoulders slumped as she leaned back to sit against the wall like Weiss.

At the very subdued response, the white haired girl turned her head slowly and stared extra flat at the _much_ taller girl, "You're in love with him aren't you?"

Pyrrha's only response was to tap the tips of her fingers together nervously and allow her face to turn the same shade of red as her hair.

That was all the 'response' Weiss needed, as she turned forward and leaned back against the wall of Beacon the two had escaped to in order to get away from the rest of the crazy on both their teams.

It was quiet for a good long time.

"No wonder you wanted to kill me…"

"You have no idea…"

Pyrrha continued tapping her fingers and Weiss continued staring ahead.

After their comments flat icy blue eyes turned, spotted nervous bright green ones, and the two shared a very subdued, if extremely awkward laugh.

"He's all yours…"

"I know."

Weiss laughed louder at the sheer conviction in the Mystralian's voice, glancing over to spot a moment of that confident warrior she knew the champion to be, "Already staked your claim huh?"

Pyrrha's face went a bit red but she gripped one of her hand in conviction, "I… I will… one day… maybe tell him." Fierce green eyes opened, staring ahead, "For now, I want to help him become the best he can be. That's what's important."

"Not what you want?" a white brow rose, truly interested in this odd shift. She'd never been 'good' at the whole 'romance-thing' either, her family, their paranoia, and the general life she'd lived that she couldn't trust anyone saw to that. So it was somewhat interest to her to see someone with such obvious passion in their eyes for one thing, but supplant it for another. It wasn't a very _Schnee_ thing to not go straight for your goal, no matter the collateral damage.

Pyrrha gave a firm nod, "H-he doesn't see me as more than his partner, and its my duty as his partner to make him the most capable Hunter at Beacon," she gave another firm nod, even if her fist shook, "I-I'm okay… with just being his… friend…" when she said the last word her eyes opened and they were soft again. she'd never had 'real friends' before, so her team, no matter their dynamic, were very precious to her. That was enough… for now.

Weiss just snorted, practically reading everything on the honest woman's face, " 'For now', huh?" a _slight_ smirk rose on the edge of her lips when she noticed the Mystralian blush again, "I guess that's fine." The white heiress turned to her… _friend_ … with a smirk, "So long as I'm there to see you finally claim that idiot for yourself."

Pyrrha's face may have remained red, but she had enough composure to nod firmly, "As long as I'm there when you do the same with Ruby."

Now it was the Schnee heiress' turn to blush, "Wh-WHAT?!"

The redhead's immediate response was to laugh.

A white brow twitched as icy eyes glared at the fiery-irritatingly-tall woman, "What in the world was that about?!"

Pyrrha just giggled behind her hand, "Nothing, nothing…" she waved her hand.

Again the two were silent, this time the champion smirking while the Schnee fumed.

"So…" Weiss started, adamantly looking away, bored, "Any times on getting that dolt to study?"

Pyrrha just smiled, "I have plenty…"

A silent agreement was met.

"JAUNE!"

"Ack! RUBY!"

The two 'friends', thanks to their position of somewhat 'hidden' behind some bushes sitting against Beacon's shaded wall, were privy to a moment where their team leaders slammed into one another. Namely Ruby running frantically into Jaune at top speed without look.

Both Heiress and Champion cringed.

"Uh… Ruby?" Jaune held his head, everything spinning and red, "Wait… stop moving for a sec…

Ruby, being Ruby, did no such thing. Immediately she stood up, dragging Jaune up with her and started frantically bouncing about, "Have you seen Weiss?! She's left without saying a word and I can't find her!"

Jaune just slowly rubbed his head, trying to get the world to stop spinning, spinning was bad, spinning meant he'd get sick, "Wait-what? The snow queen is missing too?"

In the bushes, icy eyes rolled as green ones rose to the sky.

"Yes! She's-wait, what'd'ya mean 'too'?" Ruby's adorable silver eyes blinked before turning on Jaune and tugging his collar, "Who else is missing!"

Jaune, still dizzy, put a hand over his mouth, "P-Pyrrha… was looking for her in all her usual… ugh… places…" why was the ground moving, the ground wasn't supposed to move.

Speaking of the champion, she perked up in surprise, the heiress the only one to notice she turned a few shades of red and snickered as quietly as she could.

"LET'S GO FIND THEM!" Ruby, always excitable, shouted, dragging Jaune with her.

"RUUUUBY! WHY?!"

Once they were gone, Weiss' snicker became full-blown and Pyrrha tried not to blush too much.

"So, that's them?"

"The girl's kinda cute… ow! Hey!"

"Shut it, dumbass…"

Both Pyrrha and Weiss perked up, spotting a boy with grey hair, a girl with green hair, and another with curly brown all dressed in Haven uniforms.

"Yes, that's them," the brunette said with a slithery smooth voice, "They're both leaders, so prime targets…"

The girls in the bushes bristled.

"Yea," the guy with grey hair smirked, "I'll take little red, you want blondie?"

The girl with green hair just rolled her red eyes, "Pass, I've got enough to handle…"

The other two just kept smirking as the trio continued walking.

Both Weiss and Pyrrha continued following the Haven students as they passed with narrow eyes. As soon as they were out of sight…

"So those plans…"

"I'll get the shovels…"

In another universe this conversation never took place.

In this one, thanks to a moment of comradery, Pyrrha Nikos and her partner in crime Weiss Schnee 'handled' a mysterious trio from Haven before anything ever happened. Neither had any idea what their actions, and _plans_ , averted, but for now it provided a bond between the two that would never be broken.

After all, what were friends for?

* * *

 **A/N:** short and terribly snarky way of explaining the 'shift' in this world from canon... Pyrrha-freakin'-Nikos and Weiss happened to off Mercury, Emerald and Cinder before stuff went down because their jealous brains interpreted 'evil plans' wrong... i love it XD

Number 26: brings the shovels!

thanks for all those reading! you guys are fun :3

Till next -salute-waves- Sayounara, Mina!

-Ikasury


	12. STRQ Contrast

**A/N:** and now for something different~ sort of...

BUUUUUUUURN MY LOVELY!

Enjoy!

* * *

The thing about STRQ…

"Summer, are you thinking about me?"

"Yes… Raven…"

On a cold winter's night two friends met after a long separation. There was a long and tragic history between them, stories of a cocky girl and a shy nerd, the rebellious diva and the shrieking violet, the ebony haired beauty and the… you get the point.

Raven Branwen and Summer Rose had been strange friends since they met their first year at Beacon as members of the newly formed Team STRQ, along with a wimpy blonde guy and Raven's dork of a twin brother. The girls ran the show, obviously.

Raven was the dark beauty while Summer was the pure adorable, no one could understand why they got along, at all. Raven was open about her play with Taiyang, the aforementioned wimpy blonde, and Summer may have been more than irritable about that once or twice and ranted off to Qrow, Raven's much less cool twin brother.

Either way, no matter their fights or fancies the two women were inseparable. They were friends, they were sisters, they were hated rivals, if there was a term for a crazy obsessive bond not listed, they were it.

But that changed the moment Raven disappeared.

Not a word to Taiyang, who she sorta-maybe-kinda in a drunk night in Vacuo, got married to and sorta-kinda-maybe- _OHMIGAWDTHEPAINYOUJERK!_ Had a kid with him as well. The going theory was that Raven took one look at her baby girl, blonde as her dad and just as whiny and demanding, one look at the wimpy blonde she sorta liked, being a happy dad going on about living in Patch with their growing family, and foresaw a horrible future of her, and kids, and responsibilities with the little dweeb she liked and ran for the hills.

At least that's how Qrow told the story to Summer, being Raven's twin brother he did technically have a better insight to his sister's mind than most. Sorta.

Summer was _FURIOUS!_ And anyone that knew her knew that meant catastrophic things to come. It's said Ozpin locked up his tower for a month once he heard that warcry all the way from… wherever Summer was at the time.

Anyway, so Summer and Qrow tried to track down his sister, who had sadly completely vanished from the face of the earth. Summer had to give her confidant-rival credit. _"Damn bitch knows how to hide."_ Raven was, after all, the only member of Team STRQ to have the sense to hide and not be found for days when Summer went on one of her cookie binges.

After about a month of searching, Summer and Qrow got word of Taiyang, being Taiyang, and overall sucking at life. The two of them groaned, played janken, and Summer was the one to come up short and had to return to help the guy out. She really should have known better, Qrow always won games that required timing thanks to his crazy speed.

Summer's grandiose entrance, involving sending a poor oak door to an early grave in a wood-chipper thanks to her boot, was completely lost as Taiyang was nowhere to be found in his house. Thankfully he was a lot easier to find than his girlfriend-wife-whatever as really all anyone had to do was follow the crying. He stubbed his toe during their entrance exam at Beacon and that's how she had found him and wound up his partner. The guy really hadn't changed all that much.

She found him crying in a pile of Raven pictures in one room, some she was fairly certain were photo-shopped to look like they were together with a crazy amount of kids and a house with a white picket fence and dog, when Summer knew for a fact Raven hated dogs. Summer loved them, especially little ones and puppies, but that wasn't the point.

Seeing as Taiyang hadn't registered her presence, and really she was more worried about the other 'individual' that was supposed to be in this house, Summer went looking for baby Yang.

The little blonde couldn't be more than a few months old yet already she was more mature than her father; sleeping peacefully in her black and yellow bassinet with a fluffy bumblebee toy clutched in her mouth.

 _"Aaaawwwww!"_ Summer, being Summer, and completely vulnerable to cute things, squealed in delight and picked the blonde baby up, bumblebee doll and all, and hugged her. She figured if she could deal with this adorable every day she could probably deal with her old partner being… well _him_.

It took her a while longer to get Taiyang up let alone out of that room, so it became her fulltime job to take care of Yang. Qrow showed up occasionally, and things got extremely awkward every time he saw her with a blonde baby on her hip, never mind that was technically his niece.

Summer had learned long ago Branwen were terrible at any kind of familial bonding. Qrow and Raven were partners, more by default than anything else, and they barely talked to one another when living in the same room. It seemed the closest to showing affection either had for one another was either kicking each other in the shins or quietly ignoring the other existed. So Summer wasn't completely surprised by Qrow's aloof nature to his niece. Luckily Yang had enough bubbly exuberance to fill a city and whether Qrow liked it or not, he was **_going_** to be her favorite plaything when she wanted! She wanted a pony, he was it. She wanted to fly, he was picking her up and running around like a moron with a toddler above his head.

It was actually kind of cute in Summer's opinion, but that was neither here nor there.

Also Qrow spending time with his niece, hopping her up on sugar and ghost stories then leaving, like Branwen always did, was enough of a kick in the pants to get Taiyang out of _most_ of his slump. The boys had always been more competitive than the girls, though that seemed more because Taiyang _never_ liked Qrow and really he just never cared.

Qrow told Summer once that when Taiyang tried to ask him permission to date his sister, he just laughed. Telling him 'good luck' and shooing him away. Apparently that really pissed the blonde off and the two got into a major fight that never quite ended.

So Qrow showing up at his house, playing with _his_ daughter, and 'harassing' _his_ partner had the blonde roaring like a lion and doing things he should have handled ages ago. Like being a parent and taking care of his daughter and not relying on his old partner to do it all because he was depressed.

Summer just let them have their 'boy feud' and went about taking care of Yang.

Eventually Qrow left, claiming to go after his sister again, but Summer just knew it was him being what he was. _"Branwen always wander off and leave broken hearts behind…_ " she'd told him as he left. He didn't turn back and she didn't care.

Ruby came not long after that and Summer basically rooted herself to the Xiao Long home. She told Yang Ruby was her baby sister and she had to protect her, like how she protect her dad. Yang was so cute, excited to take care of her baby sister, and Summer could almost forget the little blonde had any Branwen in her. For a two year old, Yang was pretty stable, an excitable little girl with golden hair and pretty lilac eyes always following her around to help out where she could… even if that tended to cause more disasters than anything, oh well.

Taiyang got… better. He was almost back to his mopey self, bright blue eyes, blonde hair, tiger in the sack… Summer could almost accept this quaint little family life.

Then the girls started to get older and she could see it.

Yang was looking more and more like a mini-blonde version of Raven. Hell, when she got angry and temperamental her eyes turned red and Summer had off-handedly joked, " _Now she just needs the black hair…"_ Taiyang had **_not_** been appreciative of her less-than-humorous observations. Part of Summer didn't care.

It was when Ruby started showing signs of being speedy and spinning around with a bent stick as fun that Taiyang gave her that look and she had a few things to fess up. Of course, **_her_** daughter would be the one to actually start looking and _acting_ like a Branwen!

Summer cursed the both of them, those damn twins that came into their lives, wrecked everything and left without a damn word!

She started going back out, needing to get her mind off her kids, the sulking man that shared her bed, and more importantly those jerks that left them. She took up her weapons and returned to hunting Grimm as stress relief. She loved her daughters, no damn question about it and she'd shove in it Raven's face if she ever saw her again she was a better mom than her and tell Qrow Taiyang was a better father!

She was angry at them and she couldn't let the girls or Tai see it. If they did they'd get scared, and while the girls could probably handle it, Tai wouldn't. The guy just never could handle confrontation well, so she went out and destroyed Grimm nests to deal with her own issues.

But at least she _returned!_ Unlike **_some_** jerks.

A bright smile for the girls, a sultry wink for Tai, make some cookies and everything was right with the world.

Who the hell was she kidding, she hated this bullshit.

All the lies, all the faking… well not all of it, not so much for the girls, but they were going to get older. They would eventually see it.

This is why when she got the letter from Raven she knew _exactly_ what it was… and knew she was being a coward not telling anyone else.

" _Oh! Mommy's got to go hunt some more Grimm girls! I'll be back!_ " a tight hug and a kiss to each of their heads. That was her goodbye. She didn't even bother looking at Taiyang, she'd give too much away otherwise.

So the middle of winter, on an overseeing cliff, on a clear night with the broken moon shining down. That's how she met her. That's how she saw her again.

The first and only woman she would ever love…

… the damn bitch.

Her tall frame, black and red armor, the feathers were a new touch, same with the mask, and it looked like she'd long since upgraded her sword.

Summer wondered if she'd changed all that much. She still wore her white cloak, and it'd been a long time since she'd modified her weapons.

"You look tired," Raven's silky smooth voice said as she pulled off her mask. Pale face, red eyes, unruly long black hair.

"Yea, I'm sure I do," Summer looked away. She couldn't help but super impose blonde hair and lilac eyes on her friend, seeing what her daughter would look like in the years to come. Putting her hood down she ran her hand through her brunette hair, "Seeing as I'm doing your job for you," a silver eye glanced over at the tall beauty, sly and maybe a bit of a wink, "Like always."

A sad smile picked at Raven's lips, "Yeah… you always were reliable…"

They talked. Longer than either realized and far too short for anything meaningful.

Raven held Summer's hand for most of it. Got yelled at and slapped more than once, but never left go.

Summer yelled at her, sniffled and cried like a little baby to the point she just put her head on Raven's chest and started bawling. Then she'd hit her, take a step back, yell some more and it'd go back in a circle.

Raven knew this cycle. She knew it better than anyone in the world as she was probably the only person that had to deal with Summer when she fully broke down. She was their strong confident leader, she was their adorable champion that beat people in cookie eating contests and took people down for littering. She was too good for this world and when it finally piled up enough that she couldn't take it, she went to Raven and let it all out. Every hurt, every slight, every little irrational detail her far-too-intelligent mind could come up with as a reason to be angry, things that ate away at her for however long it took to get to this point. Raven had honestly no idea how the crazy little girl in the white hood could go through life never exploding until she met her.

And she loved her for it, their dopey little leader. She put up with so much in the world and only showed her absolute worst to her. Maybe that was terrible to be proud of but, eh, she was Raven Branwen, she brought out the worst in everyone around her.

So she hugged and rubbed her head and this time Summer didn't pull away and hit her again.

"You left." A weak thud on her chest.

"I did." Was the only thing she could say. Her life since leaving her daughter and adorable whiny man hadn't been great. She couldn't even bring herself to explain, even to Summer, **_why_** she left, even if Summer was probably the only person she could say it to.

But Summer never asked, so she never said.

They stayed like that for a while, holding onto one another in the snow and silence.

Raven fingered the knife at her waist, "Summer, are you thinking about me?"

"Yes…" Summer raised her head, looking the ebony beauty in the eyes, "Raven…"

Those red eyes clinched, and for a moment Raven hesitated in her task.

In another universe, this scene played out as it should have. One mother killing another for power or the sake of the world, whatever.

In this one…

"Hold that thought," Summer put her finger on Raven's lips and pushed the knife hand to the side with her other.

Raven stared at her confused.

Then the shorty in the white hood all but jumped up and kissed the taller girl on the lips. They both fell gracelessly into the snow as Raven's arms flailed trying to catch them.

Summer finally sat up, on Raven, and sighed, "I have been _dyyyyyying_ to do that since we broke up after that first semester at Beacon."

Tossing her knife to the side, Raven wiped her mouth and glared at the little crazy, "YOU BROKE UP WITH ME!"

Silver eyes glared down at her, pointing indignantly, "You slept with Taiyang while I was in class with Qrow!"

"So?" Raven shrugged, clearly not understanding why that was a bad thing,

"Argh!" Summer threw up her hands, getting up and walking away, "and you just don't get it!"

Red eyes blinked from the ground, "No, I really don't," her hand hovered around her lips, still missing that fiery little psychopath that was the leader of Team STRQ. Taiyang was great, don't get her wrong, sometimes it was nice having a guy that was a push over, but he was only _really_ exciting when he was angry in bed. Not unlike the girl that lived up to her lively name now trumping in the snow yelling at nothing.

Raven could not help if her eyes lingered a few places, being a mom certainly let Summer filled out more than expected…

"… AND STOP UNDRESSING ME WITH YOUR EYES!" the woman in white quickly whipped around, pointing indignantly at the black and red beauty still on the ground and shamelessly checking her out.

"I wasn't?" Raven had her hands up.

"Liar," Summer growled, pacing again.

Raven just shrugged, pulling herself up out of the snow and watching her little leader pace… again shamelessly checking her out.

"Stop it!" Summer snapped.

There was a snort from the black haired woman, "I'm not doing anything…"

"I'm telling you right now, _Raven_!" Summer momentarily stopped her pacing glared steel at her former teammate, "I have put up with two toddlers, _at the same time!_ Nothing you do will get to me!"

Red eyes rolled so hard, "Summer, all I've ever done is get to you since the moment we met…"

Clinching her fists, Summer stomped up to Raven and shook them in her face, " ** _YOU!_** "

A sly black brow rose as Raven got a devilish smirk, "Me?"

There was some manner of scream, growl, moan all rolled into one as Summer just shook.

"Summer…" Raven said in a soft, calming voice as she approached the shaking woman.

When she was within arm's reach, Summer looked and glared at Raven with cold silver eyes, "Why were you trying to kill me?" there was no question that she was doing it, just why.

Raven sighed, lowering her hands, "I can't tell you," when those silver eyes glared more, the black haired beauty pressed a hand to her forehead, "Just, believe me, there's a reason alright!"

The silver glare didn't let up, "I believe you, but do I **_really_** have to die?"

A red eye glanced at the woman in white, "What do you have in mind?"

A devious smirk came to Summer Rose's face, a particular smirk that would become known far and wide as the look of her daughter having some crazyass plan in mind, "Let's stage a murder."

Raven actually snorted at this, "So third year all over again, hehe…"

Summer just kept up that wicked grin, "No offense, I love the girls, but I could use a goddamn vacation."

"I hear Vacuo nude beaches are nice this time of year for the 'recently deceased'…"Raven gained a smirk, joining her partner in crime as she took her hand and they got to work.

"Aww, Ravy," Summer clutched onto the taller woman's arm, "You always know what to say to charm me…"

"It's a talent…" the black haired beauty smirked, knowing this would probably bite her in the ass later, but really…

She was only hired to 'get rid of' the last silver eyed warrior. Who said that required killing her?

After all, Summer looked great underneath that cloak.

* * *

 **A/N:** over on AO3 someone asked about the line in Ruby's bout of crazy 'Second Rule of Uncle Qrow's Training: ... especially in front of someone suspiciously hot in white' and they assumed it dealt with Winter Schnee... i joked saying it could work for Ironwood too, but in reality i meant Summer Rose... but seeing how Qrow deals with all these people, hey, he might just have a problem when it comes to people in all white XD

i have a serious take on the way things happened with Team STRQ, lots of drama and feels, but for Conflagration obviously i've tilted it a bit on its head... and also am using this as a bit of a joke to explain some of Ruby and Yang's vices in Conflagration-verse... Yang had to get her threesome ways from someone, and considering Ironwood works up above, it might just be a Branwen trait, like their wandering off towards danger when stuff goes down~

and Ruby... well, her parents are nuts, end of story...

and no, i don't mean to be mean to Taiyang, he's just so obviously the Cowardly-Lion i don't think they could have made it more obvious with a 20ft blaring orange neon sign... so may have just taken that to a bit of an extreme... everyone's views are biased after all... Raven may have been legitimately attracted to that and Summer more than likely stuck with him out of spite for the Branwen twins... but that's just the way it works in this verse, who knows about canon~

anyway, its all a joke! have fun kids! love ya!

Number 88: no drama!

Till next -salute-waves- Sayounara, Mina!

-Ikasury


End file.
